ordinary everyday nobody

OK so get this, GOD created you. Hand-crafted YOU. He knit you together in your mother's womb. He formed you carefully, specifically, purposefully and in every single detail of your life He's molding you into the perfect being that He needs you to be, and for some incredible, big-picture plan, that only He can see and you can fulfill. If that doesn't make you feel just a little bit special, I am not sure what will.
It's so easy, especially when we start comparing ourselves (which nothing good ever comes from, by the way) to say "well if I could only do such-and-such like so-and-so, then I'd be worth something, but me, I'm just an ordinary everyday nobody." But guess what, every story I can think of in the Bible is about some ordinary everyday nobody that God chose to do some great thing with for His name's sake. He loves making those of us who feel like we're nobodies, into somebodies, with this great purpose. Even to the point where we run from it, like 'no way God, not me you don't understand, you got the wrong guy (or girl) for the job, there is no way in Hades that you can expect lil ol' me to do something this big.' But He does, and eventually after we get swallowed up by a whale or whatever it takes, we will.
I don't know why we often feel like to be used by God, we have to have it all together because if you think about it logically, no one really ever has it all together (despite what we use our best efforts to try and convey) because there was only one completely sinless and perfect man to ever walk this Earth and his name was Jesus and he paid the price for us, so we didn't have to.
The beauty of it all is that God uses our greatest insecurities, our biggest flaws, our most epic failures to often lay the foundation of our ministry, it's like the groundwork for our purpose in life and without all those things it just wouldn't work out quite as well. So not only is it OK to mess up sometimes but it's almost necessary. You had to go through those things because they've inspired growth and without them you wouldn't be here where you are today, which is right exactly where you need to be at this time.
Is that not so incredibly freeing!? I know it is for me, like stop running from who you are and let God, who knows you way better than you know yourself, make you into what He designed you to be way back however long ago when He spoke you into existence and let Him use you for that great purpose He intended.
So stop beating yourself up thinking you're not good enough, because you are! You were fearfully, and wonderfully made by a GOD who loves you way more than you can even comprehend and I'm pretty sure He knew what He was doing. So relax, and enjoy the process because your story is being written about another ordinary everyday nobody who went on to do so many awesome things in their life for Christ that it was almost unbelievable, they might even make a movie out of it.
But really, stop fighting with God and let Him finish what He's doing in you, someday you'll look back and be completely amazed at how far you've come and you won't even recognize that timid and inadequate person you thought you once were.

Jonah 1:1-3, 17 (NIV)

1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: ² “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”

³ But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.

¹⁷ And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

Jeremiah 1:7-9 (NIV)

⁷ But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. ⁸ Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.
⁹ Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.

1 Samuel 17:50 (NIV)

⁵⁰ So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

Esther 4:14 (NIV)

¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

Called to love

So we've all heard the stereotype, been stereotyped, or even used the stereotype against others, it's probably the most widely known reason for why people generally don't like, wouldn't want to be and don't even want to associate with Christians because "they are so judgmental." Speaking as an honest Jesus follower though, isn't it the truth sometimes? We take one look at someone, or find out a couple of things about them and we've already determined their worth, or lack thereof, and that is so incredibly wrong. Believe me, I have been on both sides of this Lord knows I have made my fair share of unfair judgments against others but I, too have been belittled by and felt wrongly judged by those who claim to be Christians, and I am one!? The sad part, is that so many people completely turn away from God because of the way they have been treated by a supposed 'Christian'. They associate God, in all His perfect holiness with us, in all our flawed humanity and they don't want any part of it. The bottom line, we are all in fact sinners and therefore are not capable of accurately representing God because we cannot even fathom His greatness let alone show it. That however, is not an excuse for us to walk around like we're better than everyone else, because truth is, we're not. The truth is, God loves every single one of us exactly the same, regardless of our sins. So why do we think it is OK to judge others when we, like them, are surviving out of the grace of God alone? If we truly want to show Christ to people and make a difference in this world, our job is simply to love. And it is indeed simple, no it is not always easy but it is what we are called to do. People are so completely blown away by genuinely loving people who are not asking anything in return because it is so unheard of in our society these days. If we are truly using Jesus as our example, that's exactly what we need to be doing. He hung out with the people that most looked down on and He was kind to those that most wouldn't associate with and that's what drew people to Him. The key here is not to appear to be righteous so we can 'look more godly' because we won't do Him any justice, but rather to be so completely humble that people are attracted to the difference they see in us compared to the rest of the world so that we then can point them to the one true God. I think people underestimate the power of love and forgiveness. The freedom it offers for everyone involved is life-changing. Obviously, it gets complicated when you start talking about loving and forgiving the very ones who have hurt you or your loved ones, and it takes all that is within us not to retaliate out of anger. But isn't that again our calling, to go against our fleshly desires and take every evil thought captive to Christ and let Him heal us so that we are able to let it go. Talk about astonishing this world, show love to the one who the world claims it's OK for you to hate. That is what will get people talking, that is what will turn people on to Christ, not us walking around with our noses in the air afraid to 'get dirty' for fear of what people might think, guess what he calls us to get dirty, he calls us to the ends of the Earth, and he calls us to show love to everyone.

1 Peter 4:8

⁸ Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Romans 3:23-24

²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Job 11:7 (NIV)

⁷ “Can you fathom the mysteries of God?
    Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?

2 Corinthians 10:5

⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Acts 1:8 

⁸ But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

embracing vulnerability

I spend way too much time worrying about what other people think about me, and torturing myself with the 'what-ifs'. Whether it be about their thoughts of me or if I am good enough to meet their approval; But why? Why do I care so much about what I look like? And I don't necessarily mean physically, of course that ties in as well sometimes but mostly it's about being emotionally attractive or appearing to have it all together, as if perfection is really attainable and I am saying 'Look everyone, I have done it!' Why am I so obsessed with putting on that facade, when in all reality, we are all struggling with something and in most cases, a lot of somethings. I mean we are human for goodness sake it is part of our unique make-up to be flawed and we should not feel like we need to hide from that all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am not insisting that we go around being Miss/Mr Negativity all the time spilling our guts to anyone (facebook included) who will listen to us complain about all of our trivial problems; but instead, it's about finding that healthy balance and embracing the beauty of it all. It's about realizing what we do have and being insurmountably grateful for all of those things but then at the same time not running from our faults; but rather, admitting them and then seeking comfort and support from those closest to us, those we can confide in. I mean can't we just be real with one another every now and then? We need to feel free to be able to let our guards down with one another and know that it's ok to be broken sometimes, and we shouldn't have to feel the need to fake a smile or fight back tears. It's ok if everything is not perfect. Even saying that is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I find myself reading back over those words again and again because it is an important reminder. So much of my life I have unfortunately chosen to believe the opposite, so writing this is just as painfully relevant to my own personality and life as it is to anyone else's. And that is because it is human nature to desire to look good in all aspects and never show any signs of weakness, but this whole putting on a happy face when meanwhile you're dying on the inside in no way defines strength, but on the contrary diminishes it because it wears on us, weighs us down, and steals our hope. We were never meant to carry such burdens alone, but instead we should be leaning on one another and reciprocating the love and reassurance that has been shown to us. I know this concept is so much more easier said than done but I feel like it could be so revolutionary in our world because it relates to all people and discludes no one. I probably sound like a hippie or Miss America or maybe a mixture of the two with all my babbling on about world peace and free love but I for one, would love to stop letting fear dictate my every move on a day-to-day basis like it does, more often than not, now. And believe me, ironically enough, even the thought of that scares the crap out of me because when you put yourself out there, there is always a risk of being rejected or misunderstood or plenty of other things. However, you won't ever get anywhere in life if you are always 'waiting for the next one' when it comes to opportunities to open-up and until you let go of that fear you will be missing out on countless possibilities of life-altering experiences with people who may just be feeling the same exact way you are.

1 Corinthians 10

The Message (MSG)

¹³ No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

Galatians 6:

The Message (MSG)

^1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

boycott: black friday

This is one of those days where I feel completely un-American and am almost embarassed to belong to such a society. The way we idolize and chase after material posessions is disheartening and pathetic. We get up all hours of the night, wait in lines that in most cases and on normal days we are way 'too good for' because they are entirely way too long, and we push people out of the way just to get some stupid thing(s) which we probably already have 4 of at home. Don't we all have enough stuff, already!? Seriously people if we Americans were this enthusiastic about the things that actually mattered you know how big of a difference we could make in this world!? Like how about speaking out for those who don't have a voice, and doing our part against the fight to end world hunger, and comforting those we know who are hurting. It's sickening to me to think that as we are spending so much time and money racing to get the latest and greatest of all this unecessary stuff that most of the world is uncertain of where their next meal will come from. And we are hurting? we are in an economic crisis!? ha, right. Maybe it's because I have been on the mission field, (ie Haiti) and I have seen what real poverty looks like and I see the faces of those beautiful children that I fell in love with who are filled with such joy despite the ridiculously hard circumstances they've faced who literally have absolutely nothing to call their own and are still thankful for what little they do have and I imagine how wide their eyes would be at the wealth we have in this country, and it makes me feel guilty. I am so grateful to my parents, who are not perfect by any means, our family is about as dysfunctional as they come, but they raised us right in regards to teaching us what is really important, and opening our eyes at such a young age to see how much true joy comes from giving, especially to those who can give nothing in return but still make it a priority to find ways to do so whether by a huge smile, a hug, or a written 'thank you' the stays with you forever and touches your soul. I can only hope and pray that Ryan and I can do the same for Makenna and her future siblings in that area because I am certain that taking that first mission trip to Haiti during Christmas of '03 completely changed my life, though I was only 12 years old God spoke to me during the trip, He gave me direction and a purpose He ignited a fire and a passion in me for those children and I have not been the same since. Sorry for the downer I just refuse to partake in such materialistic madness while the rest of the world is struggling to survive and I cannot sit back and say nothing when my heart is crying in disbelief at the selfishness of this country. And believe me, I am speaking to myself as well, not really in regards to black friday shopping but in everyday life, I need to be more aware of those around me, of needs I can meet, of ways I can help, getting involved in something that actually means something.  So I challenge you (and me) today, to think about those who don't have what we have and if I'm sending you shopping with a guilt-trip, well good, take that and do something with it. Something meaningful, something selfless and see how much better that feels and how much more satisfied you are with youself when the day is done. 

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." Luke 12:48b NASB