"I think the things that scare us are always an open door leading us to something great.. Nothing truly wonderful ever comes without risk."
That's the response I gave to my friend Angela when she told me that her initial thoughts on me sharing what she wrote in her journal was, "no, because it's so raw." But, the potential of her words touching & inspiring others just like they've encouraged me was enough to convince her it was probably a good idea & maybe even a part of God's plan. ;)
As I'm sure you've gathered by now, this post is comprised of the beautiful, true words from a dear, sweet friend-- originally written in her very personal journal. A friend who happens to have an incredible ability to see into my heart & life in a way that very few others ever have. Sometimes (or maybe all of the time) others are able see the truth so much more clearly/easily than we can ourselves in the midst of any given situation-- especially in times where we are in some kind of a transition or a rough spot. We are so much harder on ourselves than we ought to be & are much quicker to show compassion, & mercy, & forgiveness to others than we are to ourselves. That's what her words have shown & are teaching me as I read over them & reflect on my life & the events that have taken place that lead up to this point where I'm finding myself at now. Sometimes, all we need is a fresh perspective, a different view to help us understand & cope with the reality of the way things are until we're truly able to start the healing process. Here are her words that have been just that for me:
5/17/16
"So many times I open this book to a blank page and start filling it with words that come from my heart about me... About my struggles... About my life. Once I am done, I close the book and wait until the next moment to unload my emotions.
Well today I would like to write about a friend. A friend who is struggling.. a friend who is lost in this thing called life.
We have been friends for at least 5 or 6 years. I met her years before that as she was still in high school. Immediately we had kindred-spirits. She was a fun cute girl with two pigtail braids and overall shorts on... I liked her style. She shared her heart with me that day... Her dreams to be a missionary in an orphanage. We laughed and we encouraged each other. That day her smile was alive and she had big plans for herself.
Very soon after or maybe even during, her world started to crumble. Her family was splitting up. She became the adult as the parents coped through childish behavior. Very quickly her plans were changing and she had no control. She ran to what was consistent in an inconsistent world... her boyfriend... or ex-boyfriend (for good reasons).
Then she finally made it into her future husband's arms to which he had his own family problems. Two broken souls leaning on each other as the "stable" family life was falling to pieces. After a few years of trying to figure things out their own way... along with wounds they projected onto each other... they both surrendered their heart to God. I can still remember that day at church when he came walking in and went to the baptism pool and surrendered. My heart was full of joy. I knew it was a long road for both of them but nothing too long or hard with God by their side.
We became closer friends. We talked and shared our hearts with each other. Our friendship was based off of realness and the love for God.
Fast forward 5 years, She is now married and has two beautiful children. She lives 3 hours away so we don't see each other as often. She is still broken and so is her husband. She is still playing the parent role with her mom and dad. She is not a missionary at an orphanage and she is struggling to find hope.
This story of "what if's" plays in her mind on a regular basis. She is tired. She needs a new episode... a new song.
Lord, I cry out for Jordyn, she needs you. She needs a little help. She needs hope. She needs truth spoken into her heart. Destroy the lies the enemy has bound her to despair. God, even those around her have let her down-- you have always been, always will be present. She is worthy of love. Lord, help me or use me to speak your love into her... encourage her... walk with her... love her!
Command them to do good to be rich in good deeds, and to be gentle and willing to share. 1 Timothy 6:18
Even though she is suffocating in brokenness and unsure how to survive... I see a faithful servant... Who loves her Father dearly. A mother who provides, teaches, and lives to breathe life into her babies. A wife who struggles to understand and connect with her husband but continues to fight, to talk, to figure it out. She has not given up-- she may be losing strength-- but she has not quit. A friend who is always a phone call or text away who encourages others with God's love. I see a warrior! I see a person who was born to love and continues to love despite her brokenness! I see inspiration! I see God!
2 Corinthians 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
Angela made this journal entry about me when I was laying heavy on her heart the other day & I cannot even begin to express the impact they've have had on my weary heart since she was gracious enough to share them with me. At a time in life where I'm struggling to find hope & peace they serve as a gentle reminder that God's still got me, & that all is not lost. I'm honored to have been so richly blessed with a friendship as raw, real, vulnerable & true.. Even through the miles & hours of distance between us on any given day. I'm so grateful for a presence so steady & encouraging. A sweet, nurturing soul in which I can rely on. Someone who's both kind & courageous. Who shares with me, laughs with me, cries with me, & simply walks through life with me. Who listens & cares & understands. Words cannot express how much it means to me or how much these words of hers have lifted my spirit.
Thank you, Ang, for speaking such truth into my mind & heart, for reminding me who it is I really am at the core of my being when I seem to have lost/forgotten it all. For letting God use you in this way, for being completely open by first sharing these words with me & then letting me share them with others. Thank you for having a sensitive Spirit and for following His lead into the unknown despite the fear and uncertainty that undoubtedly comes along with vulnerability.
We fight very different looking battles day to day but it's nice to know who's in my corner. Thanks for fighting for me, through prayer & intentionality even though you're struggling right along with me. You know I'm doing the same for you. We are fighting this good fight of faith but we're not alone in doing so.. & that gives me hope.
We are broken but we will get through these trials & we will all be better for it one day.. Eventually. Our God restores, & rebuilds, & redeems & that's the beautiful truth. Until then, I'm resting in the fact that it's ok to struggle & it's in these times where we need, even more so, to rely on one another & I'm so grateful to God for the luxury of that ability through my sweet friendship with you. You are truly one of a kind, thanks for being YOU & for these incredible words, I'll cherish both forever ❤️
I am in awe at what a beautiful picture of Christ is being portrayed here! Crying out to the Father on my behalf, interceding for me.. What would it look like if we all, as parts of the Body, treated one another with this some love, honor, & respect as Angela did for me!? Where we cared for each other enough to tend to one another's needs especially when we know how much we're all struggling. God gave us each other for a reason, but oftentimes, unfortunately-- to our own dismay-- we stay too guarded or are too prideful to ever really let anybody in. It's time we tear down those walls, & the fear of uncertainty, & embrace vulnerability. Simply because we need each other to help carry the burdens, to lighten to load. To remind us when we've just about forgotten everything we've ever known about ourselves.
I don't know about you, but I've been challenged, inspired by my sweet friend to be a better friend. To actively fight for the ones I love not through mere words alone but by showing them how much they mean to me, how much I care, how important they really are. By speaking truth into their lives but then also by showing up when they need me, by following through. Then most importantly, through serving as that gentle reminder of how much God truly, & unconditionally loves them-- even and especially when they don't necessary feel it or maybe they don't even want it, let alone deserve it (fun fact: NONE of us do).
I think that's a lot what grace looks like, friends, and I think we could all use a little bit more of that. What would it look like if we all tried to look a little bit more like grace to one another, a little bit more like Christ. I mean, really, what would it look like to this lost and hurting world in desperate need of someone who truly cares enough to act. Because at the end of the day, all of our needs are the same and we can all play a part in meeting those in one another simply by showing up and pointing others to Him. To the only one who has the power to transform & set free. Who's already sacrificed his own son, his own body and chosen us. Who selflessly acted on our behalf, interceding for us. Who is, whether we realize it or not, actively pursuing us every single day and simply wants for us to choose Him in return. To joyfully respond to this great love He's shown for us through having a relationship with him, until He calls us home & we can be with Him for eternity. That sounds a lot like grace, a lot like love, and I think we could all use a little bit more of both of those things. So let's start by being just that and sharing it with each other too even if it scares us a little bit initially. ;)
