Saturday, May 16, 2015

quarter of a century reflections

So I turned twenty five yesterday.. Which is super weird because I kind of feel like I just stopped at 18. For some reason this year, this age, this milestone seems bigger than all the others (despite the obvious fact that IT IS lol) something about being 25 hits me in weird places & in a new way. It's a good feeling. One of both contentment with where I'm at & excitement for what's to come. I'm at peace. Like somehow now, I've finally made it. 25 is a good number. It's the perfect age. It's where everyone wishes they were or even pretends that they are, & I'm just going to take it all in & live it. I don't know how or why this year's magically any different than any other but I feel like it has something to do with the fact that the older I get the more I realize that I actually really don't know anything. Ha which seems kind of backwards but it's a good place to be. With wide eyes and an open mind I'm ready to take on life's challenges and make adventure out of them all. I'm realizing that in every situation I have a choice to make. I can choose joy, love, peace, adventure and that's what I'm aiming for instead of busy, stressed, and dissatisfied. I feel like I've lived a lot of my life waiting-- for this moment or that or wishing for something I didn't yet have. But there's something strangely sentimental about being a quarter of a century that both humbles & compels me to live so very much in the right now & see every single little thing for what it's worth, what it could be, and enjoy the heck out of it because this is my life & we've got one shot at this thing. & at the end of the day all that really matters is not what you get but what you make out of it. It's a precious gift given to me by The One who created life itself and I don't want to take a single second for granted. I'm alive and I'm free and I'm grateful. Here's to being twenty-five and my challenge to myself to be richly present in each moment, not wishing for anything else but embracing what is and taking it all in. Being Jesus to people, showing love, being bold, taking every opportunity, and appreciating every single little moment. Being a mommy and a wife, a daughter, sister, mentor, and friend. It's all so beautiful and I'm going to intentionally, purposefully, passionately pursue all these things whole-heartedly like it's what I was created for, because it is just that. Looking around and seeing all that I am, all that I have and carefully and soulfully taking each responsibility seriously enough while never missing an opportunity to laugh at myself I can trust and know and really live in the Truth that I was made for this.

Friday, April 3, 2015

unrequited love.





Boldly, I come before you

You see me, all of me

Every intricate detail, every flaw

Nothing is hidden from your sight

I'm sinking in vulnerability

Awaiting your judgement

Knowing what I deserve

What I've done, 

I cast my eyes downwards 

toward the floor

Waiting for justice to be served

I'm trembling before you now

You see straight through me

Your eyes pierce my very soul

I can barely breathe

in that very moment

My impending punishment 

hanging over me

I see you standing there

Your arms stretched out

In perfect protection, sacrificially,

You're body's been beaten, broken

Sweat pours from your brow

Blood streams down your side

The weight of MY sin bearing down

As You breathe your last

I can't stand the sight

I sink to the ground

My head in my hands

Knowing that it was me who deserved this

You took my place, gave your life

Being completely innocent

I'm frozen there

In awe of what's been done

Til someone reaches out

& helps me off the ground

I look up, to find you.

Staring, puzzled I think "why?"

"how can this be?"

My eyes are met with grace, compassion, & tenderness.

I melt at the sound of your voice,

"I did this for you, beloved,
Because you are mine & It is by the will of the Father that this has been accomplished."

You see the delicate state of my heart 

& even before I ask, you offer 

forgiveness, healing, peace.

Held in your arms

All the guilt, & pain, & fear melts away

In your presence I am made whole, Complete

I'm speechless at such mercy

Blown away by what you've done

I'm so undeserving,

so completely unworthy,

there's no way for this to be earned, reciprocated, returned,

This is unrequited love

& all your asking 

is for acceptance.

That I take this free gift

you've so generously bestowed

& let it wash over me,

make me new.

This is crazy,

this is love,

this is grace,

this is truth.

This is you,

& you're, forever, all I need.