Our team slogan which was printed on our shirts said, "start strong" on the front and then on the back read, "finish stronger." That quote pretty much sums up the goal of my life. Even though the majority of the time I honestly hate running because it's hard, and it sucks, and I'm a wimp. I love the way that running correlates so well with life and teaches such practical skills I can apply daily. It can be so spiritual and therapeutic. Let me elaborate:
One of my beautiful friend's and a running companion on my cross country team-- who totally was (and still is) the "runner type" and someone I was always striving to be more like (and still am) both on the running field and off-- used to encourage me to pray while I was running. It took my mind off the pain and discomfort I was feeling and really helped put things into perspective when I started praising Him for all the blessings in my life including the ability to run. One specific time, I remember her sharing a story about a runner who was really struggling, her feet were feeling heavy, and she was on the verge of calling it quits. When she felt in her Spirit the Lord saying, "I'll pick them up, you just put them down." And suddenly it all seemed doable, continuing was possible, and giving up no longer an option. So she started praying something like, "Okay, God, you pick them up, and I'll put them down." Wow, how that changed things for me both on the running field and off. I started praying that very prayer, as well, and it helped me immensely in knowing that I wasn't doing this thing on my own. That He was always right there with me, and more than that, He was willing to take it from me and do the brunt of the work-- and still is. This "non-runner" started to believe in herself, recognizing that it actually had very little to do with me and my feeble abilities. This realization freed me from the pressure of a perfect performance. Rather, His strength which is not limited by or contingent upon what I can or can't do but that regardless of those things He will find me useful and has created me for a purpose. In which, He will use my very weaknesses to showcase and make perfect His great and mighty power.
One year we got the opportunity to advance through Regionals and onto the state-wide cross country competition. And we got there because of me. What!? How is that possible? Our top runner who's PR (personal record) was probably somewhere in between 19-20 minutes for a 5k and I'm fighting the hardest I can to get lower than 26 and I was the reason we got to advance to state? No way! Way. It was because I was there. I showed up. I competed, and though I was no where near the greatest or fastest, it mattered and it was enough. And it happened to be just what was needed for our team to advance to state.
Here's how it happened: our team's totaled, overall times tied with another team's. My time, being the 6th runner, generally didn't matter due to the fact that only your top 5 runners times are used in factoring the score; except in the event of a tie. In which case, the 6th runners of each team break the tie. Luckily for me, they didn't have a 6th runner, so we automatically advanced. Sort of by default, and barely skating by (as we were battling for the last place spot) but we got to advance to the state competition and that was freaking awesome and exciting!
The funny thing is that when we got to state even though we went out and ran our hardest and pretty much all beat our personal best times we still as a team came in 24th place of the 24 teams that were there competing. But we still cheered like crazy when the announcers read out, "Keystone Heights High School" (proud of our little hick-town with 1 and a half stop lights) because it didn't matter if we were in last place. We got to state, and that was a huge accomplishment!
The even funnier thing, since I happened to be the slowest one, and we came in last place as a team, guess who was the very last runner to cross the finish line!? Yep, you guessed it-- me. It really wasn't even close, at all, either, because though the girl in front of me was still in sight (which was a good thing because without her I would've had no idea where to go and probably would've gotten lost on top of being dead last), she was barely in sight and that was pretty much the extent of it. There was no chance I'd be catching up to her. They were basically packing everything up and had started turning all the lights off (it was a night run) by the time I made it to the finish line. Talk about a humbling experience! Even though to most everyone there I was just this poor slow girl who was obviously in the wrong sport; personally, it was the fastest I had ever run. I reached my goal of getting under 26 minutes, just barely, like probably only a few seconds under but it was still a 25 and that was something to be proud of and something I had worked hard for!
The funniest thing about being in dead last for probably three quarters of the race is that people, complete strangers, cheer you on. It's pity cheers but they're cheering nonetheless and every little bit of encouragement helps. Especially when you feel like you're going to die and you just really want to quit. I mean I'm in very last place, who's really going to notice, or care if I just slip out of the race, anyways? But there was always someone there, smiling, clapping, telling me I could do it and that I was almost done (yeah right, lady! We are at mile one I still have 2.1 {& yes the .1 makes a difference} to go.. but sure, thanks anyways). Regardless of where they were and what they were saying it was just what I needed to hear to keep moving and that's just what I did, and what I had become so good at, steadily moving. At my own pace, regardless of all those around me, or not around me, rather. This was my race, not theirs and all I could do was my very best. To run this race to the best of my own ability. I finished and I finished strong. Even if the standings indicated that I was the loser, I still won.
This story (which is all, painfully enough, very true) is a great representation of life and in it are a couple of really valuable points I want to emphasize. The first being the fact that it all kind of symbolizes my life lately. I feel like I've been running this race for a while now, constantly trying to catch up, and always out of breath. But just when I'm about ready to give up and throw in the towel, I mean like I'm this close to quitting-- something happens, someone's there and I'm like okay, maybe I can do this! God sees me, struggling along, and He knows just what I need and He gives me just that! Even if it's in the form of something or someone unexpected, the goal to encourage my heart, is still accomplished. And those pity cheers always seem to be enough to motivate me to keep on going.
Which brings me to the next point I want to make: forward motion (even in the form of the teeniest, tiniest little baby step) is progress-- in some cases it means simply getting back up and dusting ourselves off after we've fallen down or backslidden-- and that's all we should be striving for. Just that very next step. All the while praying, "You pick them up, and I'll put them down." When we're able to recognize the fact that God's right there with us and that He's willing to take on our heaviest burdens leaving us with just the light work, it becomes a lot more manageable. Regardless of how exhausted we are and how far ahead of us everyone else seems to be.
We can't compare ourselves to all those around us and beat ourselves up wondering why we're not as fast, or as in-shape, or as well-off as so-n-so; but rather, I need to run the race marked out for me. That's all God is asking of me, and dang-it, it's what He created me to do so no one will be able to do it as well or in the same unique way that I can and that's something to be celebrated not embarrassed about. Whether I'm one of the first in the bunch or dead-freaking-last is not what matters, what matters is that I'm doing my very best, and trying my hardest to do better than I did yesterday. You may feel like you're in last place, and barely scraping by but when God looks at your life and sees how far you've come, how well you've done, and all of that which you've overcome He will be so well-pleased. Where everyone else was in relation to you is irrelevant. Unless, of course, they're running with you.
While comparing ourselves will get us no where fast, building a community within which you have accountability is a necessity for successfully running this long distance race called Life. Just like the fact that I needed to be able to see the girl in front of me to know where to go, such is true for continuing on through life and not losing sight of our faith. And in the same way that you are looking up to or following someone, someone else is also closely watching you. Don't let anyone slip out of this race for fear that no one would even care or notice, anyways. Instead set your sight on someone ahead of you and reach your hand back to another behind you and run your hardest-- together, helping each other all along the way. I like to think of it as a mentor-ship sisterhood (or brotherhood). Where I'm being mentored but I'm also a mentor and the cycle just keeps on running in that way. We've got to be here for each other. God created us in such a way that we crave community and have this burning desire for accountability so intensely so that it's quite close to impossible to do well on our own without it. Believe me, I know it's not easy, this is coming from a girl who'd rather frustrate myself to the point of tears and literally be on the brink of insanity before asking for help. But I am growing and learning and the more I do of both of those things the more I am able to recognize and come to grips with the fact that I need people, and people need me. And what a beautiful picture it paints when, though we are all struggling and barely moving, most days, we are doing it together. And I think that's how He intended it, because quite frankly, this life is hard and without the support of other people we wouldn't have the strength to possess what is needed to make it through.
Perseverance. I love that word but I can't stand it all at the same time. It stands for strength, steadfastness, and courage which are things we all strive for but it also represents the inevitable battle of pressing on in light of hardships. Of moving forward despite the fact that all odds are against you. In long distance running, there's no getting around it, in order to make it, in order to finish, you've got to persevere.
Back in August, the beginning of a new school year, Sarah, my really-buddy and the amazing youth leader at Legacy, had all of the kids and any leaders who wanted to, as well, come up with a word to kind of lay the foundation of the school year ahead. Whether it signified something they were aspiring to be, or be better at, or something that just seemed would make a really good theme for them to focus on and strive for this year. The word I choose was perseverance. And boy, did I have no idea the extent to which I would be needing just that in my life these last 8 months. All these big new changes, and adjustments, and the heartache; with starting back to school, with going back to work at a daycare after having been a stay at home mom the past two years, on top of having a two year old of my own, and with suffering the loss of my baby that I miscarried just a few days shy of being 10 weeks along. You could say it's been a bit overwhelming. But the thing I've needed most, that's sustained me through it all and that drives it all home-- perseverance.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
So, back to my original thought. Running paints a vivid picture of life with all it's struggles and small victories, moments that take our breath away, the ups and downs, and the steady flow and constant need to just keep on keeping on. To start strong and take each new day as a possibility and an opportunity to learn and grow and be better than the day before so that in the end regardless of where we came from, how we got there, or just how long it's taken us we are able to say that we, in spite of it all, have finished stronger. And that's exactly what it is that I'm striving for.
Hebrews 12:1-2
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
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