That year passed in a flash & so much happened in that time. Overall it'd been good year but there were also some things that I've had to deal with personally that I just wasn't prepared for. Things that kind of rocked me emotionally, spiritually, & they've definitely taken their toll. I'd been feeling kind of distant from God. Like I'd lost myself a little bit. It just seemed like everything was up in the air for me. I wasn't really sure of anything anymore, sinking in the fear of uncertainty.
Well, remembering the promise I had made & enthusiasm I'd shown over last year's trip I was approached & asked if I'd be willing to go on the Mexico mission trip this year. Honestly, my initial response (the one I said in my head anyway) was, "no." I kept thinking about how much of a mess my life had become & how I was in no place spiritually to be ministering to other people. But deep down inside there was always this small part of me that did really want to go. That felt as though I needed it in spite of everything that had been going on.
I'm probably one of the most indecisive people on the face of the planet, so I didn't say yes but I didn't say no either. I just kept putting it off & going back & forth on the decision. Persistently, they would ask & continuously I would give excuses as to why I hadn't actually made a decision yet. I'm sure that wasn't annoying at all. Ha! (sorry, Tina;)
Finally I was informed that if I did want to go I needed to say so ASAP because they were purchasing plane tickets & so forth. So, I decided that if my mother in law was available to keep my kiddos then I'd go. If she wasn't, then I wouldn't. That was my deciding factor.
Well, whaddya know? She said she could. So I decided, a little apprehensively, that I would go & that it obviously was meant to be or something.
Wow, am I so glad that I did! My time in Mexico was incredible & such an encouragement to my heart, which is something I had really been needing. It felt so good to be a part of something so meaningful again & the change of scenery (which was breathtakingly beautiful, by the way) wasn't all that bad either. ;)
I've always sort of felt "at home" on the mission field. Like it's where I belong. What I was created for. Ever since my very first trip I took to Port Au Prince, Haiti at just 12 years old, I've always felt like I was just meant for this. Leaving that orphanage, I felt like I was leaving a piece of my heart behind, or maybe even the whole thing. I cried the entire plane ride home because my poor little heart just couldn't handle the possibility of me never getting the chance to see those precious children again. Something had changed in me that week. I was impacted in a major way & I knew I'd never be the same again. Those babies had literally nothing to call their own but they gave me one of the greatest gifts I've ever received & helped teach me probably the most important lesson I'd ever learn in life. It had a lot to do with gratitude, contentment & just pure joy undeterred by circumstances. I'm eternally grateful to God for that initial experience & for the fact that I was able to return to that same orphanage every year after that until I was 18. God placed a burden on my heart for missions way back then & that call is still alive & well today. I feel so refreshed & encouraged to have been given the ability to go & be reminded of that truth, even (& especially) in light of my recent struggles. What a blessing!
That's probably one of the most amazing things about being a believer, the fact that it's not limiting. It's open to literally everyone. No one has more of a "right" than anyone else nor does any certain type of person or group "belong" more than another. We are all the same, completely equal in His eyes & in order to be used by Him all we really have to do is be willing.
There's a quote I love so much that speaks volumes to me in confirming this truth & that is that,
"God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called."
The fact that I had been struggling was not something that God was going to let keep me from still going & being used by Him to serve & love on the people there in Mexico. In fact, it might even have made me a more viable candidate for the job.
It's always intersting to me in scripture the way God singles out & chooses the most unexpected & seemingly "unfit" people to carry out these major parts & play this huge role in furthering the Kingdom somehow. So it really shouldn't come as that much of a surprise, right!? The fact that God could still use someone as insignificant as me.
I mean, just look at David. He was literally the very last choice & actually not even considered as an option at all by just about everyone. He was the smallest, the youngest & had no experience with war. Yet, he's the one God used to conquer the Philistines. That's amazing.
This truth is not only incredibly inspiring, it's so freeing. It's frees me from this all too prevalent misconception that our Christian society seems to shout which is that we have to somehow have everything all figured out & be completely without flaws to be used by God.
It really doesn't even make much sense when you actually stop and think about it. I mean, if we did have it all together. If we had everything going for us. If we had somehow attained perfection (as if that were even possible), then what would we even need God for at that point?
That's why, I believe 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 Says, 'But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.'
More often than not, He chooses those of us who are lowly, & struggling, & weak to be the unlikely heroes in His Story because we know that it is only through Christ that we are able to do these things. Having the knowledge that we are so completely useless & unworthy without Him is key. So that as His mighty power comes bursting forth out of us, & we are just as shocked as everyone else around us-- just as the seemingly unbeatable giant Goliath was brought down by a young boy with only a slingshot and a couple of small stones-- all we can do is give Him the praise & glory & honor that is due Him. For we know that this great feat accomplished had little (or nothing) to do with us, but everything to do with Him. For this kind of power we do not possess on our own. That measure of strength cannot possibly be found in us apart from Him.
It's beautiful really, the inner workings & coming together of it all. Oh, what an incredibly creative & unique Master we serve!
The uniqueness of each member of our team was especially useful while putting on the VBS for the children there in Huehuetoca, Mexico. Everyone had a distinct part to play & worked hard at being sure to do their given tasks well. Each one played a vital role that was much-needed & necessary for helping to ensure that things would go as smoothly as possible.
We had a TON of kids show up, which was challenging at times to say the least but what a great problem to have! The first day we had about 89 children, which we thought was a lot until the next day when we had around 150! By the end of the week this incredible event reached about 180 children & their families! What a HUGE community impacted for Christ! Wow, it still blows me away when I think about it. God is so good!
I just feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to go & witness & be a part of such a powerful movement because I'm pretty sure it affected me just as much (if not more).
Texting with a friend after coming back she said (or typed;) something that really resonated with me. "It's crazy how it works...we go to serve and give and love and share and leave feeling more blessed by those we ministered to!" She's absolutely right about that & I'm so grateful for the way this trip has touched & uplifted my weary, slightly burnt out heart. Reigniting the passion I once felt. When I know I'm exactly where I need to be. There's nothing quite as fulfilling as being right in the middle of the will of God & being completely confident of that fact. Such an overwhelming sense of peace comes from knowing that it's not about me but solely resting upon God & His sovereignty & (thankfully) there's nothing I can do to screw that up.
I just feel the need to encourage you, friends, because I'm sure there are plenty others out there who have felt or are feeling the way I had been & I just want to ask that you please don't take yourself out of the race just based on whatever current circumstance you're finding yourself in. Don't deny yourself the possibility to go & be a blessing & be blessed in return because you feel like you aren't worthy, or qualified, or religious enough or whatever it may be. God can still use you & He will as long as you're willing & you will be better for it, I can promise you that!
