One of my favorite books of all time & one of the first (& few) I've ever read cover to cover is Francine Rivers,' Redeeming Love. It's a beautiful, compelling, heartbreaking, hope-giving story about sacrificial love, & longevity inspired by the story of Hosea & Gomer in the Bible. Where God commands Hosea to marry a prostitute to represent an unfaithful Israel who kept turning their backs on God despite all that He had done for them & brought them through.
"..Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods.." Hosea 3:1
The main character in Rivers' book, Michael Hosea, falls in love with a beautiful woman, who happens to be a prostitute. He feels that God is calling him to rescue her from that life & take her as his wife. So he does just that. It wasn't an easy task but He pays the price that's required to get her out of the bondage she's in & takes her home. She was now his, but it was nothing like the way it had been before & how she was treated by men previously. This time was much different. He didn't own her or take advantage of her like they had. He loves her well, is patient with her, & takes care of her. He even gives her a new name, something more suitable (& less stripper-like) so she didn't have to be reminded of her past. Despite all of the wonderful things he offers her, she (continuously) runs away from her now husband & returns to those old habits. Back into the arms of her oppressors/abusers & away from the only one to ever truly show her the love & respect she'd always longed for & deserved.
Ugh.
The first time I ever read this book, I couldn't put it down. I was about 15 & I would read it at school in between classes (& probably during some too;) & I would get so angry at the hard-headedness of this girl. It was so frustrating to me. I just kept turning pages hoping this time it'd be different, that she'd learned her lesson, & she'd stay with him where she belonged. Where it was safe & she was loved. I just couldn't understand, it didn't make any sense to me at the time why she kept running away from someone so loving and good to her.
It still doesn't make a whole lot of logical sense to me, to be honest, but I can definitely understand on a deeper and more personal level the struggle she was going through. I've been just like that hard-headed girl more times than I'd like to admit. I can also most definitely relate to the fact that running away can just seem a little easier sometimes-- no matter how illogical.
No, she didn't really want to return to that life of sin & shame but that's all she ever knew.. & she didn't feel worthy of Mr. Hosea's faithful love & commitment. He was so honest, & tender, & good. Those things were so unfamiliar to her & quite frankly, it scared her a little bit (or probably a lot). She didn't want to let him down. She knew he deserved better. Maybe someone as pure & stable & put-together as he was. She knew she'd never be good enough for him. So she'd run away & go back to the only thing she'd ever known, because that's what was comfortable to her and what other option did she have?
It seems crazy though, right!? Why does she keep returning to the filth he fought so hard & sacrificed so much to get her out of? After everything he'd done for her, offering her a fresh start & a new life both of which she so desperately needed. Even after all that, though, He still loved her. He saw her not as she was or had been but for what she could be & he refused to give up on her. He would go after her each time she wandered, yet again, back down that dark path. Always forgiving, always loving & always reminding her that he didn't want her to be perfect, that she was already more than enough. That he loved her without conditions & he just wanted for her to choose to love him in return.
“I want you to love me. I want you to trust me enough to let me love you, and I want you to stay here with me so we can build a life together. That's what I want” -Michael Hosea ―Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love
Here's the thing: I am just like the prostitute from the book. Just like Gomer.
I may not be able to relate to that life specifically but man do I know what it feels like to have a heart that is prone to wander. Ive tended to wander away from what's really good for me from time to time and my wandering heart has led me astray down some pretty destructive paths before.
But each time God saw me through eyes of love, in spite of whatever lowly state I was in, & had compassion. He came for me & rescued me from my life of sin. Because I belong to Him.
He already paid the ultimate price on the cross long ago so that I wouldn't have to.
He freed me from the bondage I was once enslaved to, gave me a fresh start, a new name, & promised me a bright future; an eternity with Him.
Much like Mr. Hosea in the story, God persistently loves & takes care of me, consistently goes after me when my heart has wandered off yet again, & forgives me each time I ask even after I've knowingly failed him time after time after time.
Recognizing how completely unworthy I am, this unrelenting love draws from me a repentance & respect I can't put into words. I'm in awe at His majesty that's so powerful but that also possesses the capability to love me so tenderly & know me so intimately right down to the most intricate little detail.
It's crazy & amazing all at the same time. I'm angry with myself but also astounded by his love which tells me that he remembers my sins no more & so I shouldn't dwell on them either. Once again offering me a fresh start, a clean slate. Every day. I'm wiped clean, made blameless in his sight. No matter how impossible that seems. For His mercies are new every morning!
Lamentations 3:22-23
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
I love the way God uses a human relationship through the book of Hosea in the Bible to depict what He was feeling when Israel kept returning to false God's & forsaking him. Putting the pain that he felt in terms we can truly grasp & understand in such a raw & personally convicting way gives such an impactful perspective.
I think sometimes we tend to wrongly put God in this unreachable, unable to be explained mysterious box because we don't think we'll be able to appropriately perceive Him in all of his complexities. Though he is vast & mighty beyond our comprehension, at times, there are also facets to his being, I believe, that we can absolutely relate to.
I'll bet being broken hearted over a loved one's unfaithfulness is one of those things. Where we just might actually be able to understand God and what He feels a little bit better than we would like to think.
One of my favorite parts about Francine Rivers' version of this story of Hosea is the way its portrayed in such a way that I'm emotionally invested in it & can connect so well with the characters. I feel for Mr. Hosea. I feel his pain because I can relate. I've been there & my heart aches at the thought of it as I'm reminded of my own experiences. My own pain. I can't help but blurt out in my mind,
"How could she do that to him?"
But, wait...
Then it hits me hard,
"How could I do that to Him!?"
Just like the Israelites I am unfaithful to my God. I, all to easily, forget what he's done for me & turn my back on Him. Ending up running back to places I don't belong, doing things I shouldn't, idolizing worthless things in His place.
Ouch.
More than likely, at one point or another, we all all will have (if not already) felt the pain of loving someone who doesn't return those affections. Whether you're rejected or betrayed or some combination of the two, your heart is broken into a million pieces as you watch them walk away as if you never meant anything to them at all. Seemingly unconcerned by the fact that they meant everything to you. It's a pain that stings like little other, a wound that runs deep & is comparable to little else in this life.
Anyone who's ever experienced this kind of hurt and disloyalty knows what a terrible feeling it is.
This book makes God's pain real for me & breaks my heart all over again only not for myself this time but for Him. It brings light to the ugly truth, the harsh reality of the fact that I have done this to God & caused Him such terrible pain. Not just once or even occasionally but more than likely just about every. single. day.
It's annoyingly continuous with me & I can't help but think if someone else were reading a book of my life, how frustrated they would be (just like I was reading this one) at the fact that I keep denying God and going my own way, returning to the sin He's already saved me from countless times before.
That's a painful thing to come to grips with.
The reality of that truth wrecks me & it's hard to swallow. Almost too much to bear. It hurts so much to think about & I just feel sorry. So very, very sorry for the pain I've caused Him. The only one who's ever truly, fully, whole-heartedly & completely unconditionally loved me. The one who's saved me from my sin and from myself and keeps saving me.
I'm moved to tears at the realization of the fact that He cares so deeply for me, enough to hurt so much because of me. The amount of love He still has regardless of all the pain I've caused Him. He still keeps choosing me & desires to have a relationship with me. He keeps pursuing me with a fiery, unrelenting passion that says, 'You are mine and I will never stop loving you.'
But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1
Just like Mr. Hosea would in the book. Every time she went back into her life of sin, he came for her. No matter what. Without question. He loves her, he wants better for her & he refuses to let her go down that path of destruction without at least putting up a fight.
Every. single. time. He fights for her. Takes a beating for her. Forgives her. Takes her in. Continues to love her unconditionally. Redeems her.
God does this same thing for me & I fail Him constantly.
I can't handle the thought of it.
I have this picture in my mind of God himself coming in at my darkest hour & carrying me out of the mess I'm in & back into the light where I belong. Safe in His warm embrace & able arms.
That's how it should be. Where I belong.
& I stay there for a while & all is right in the world & my wandering heart is settled there for a time in perfect peace.
I wish I could say that's where it ends. That I've learned my lesson for good. That my heart no longer strays. But the truth is, I can't. I'm a work in progress. Some days are better than others but I'm bound to fail again. I can tell you this though, I won't ever stop trying.
The incredible thing about that too, is that God will not accept defeat, He cannot fail & he never gives up on me either. No matter how many times I fail Him. I belong to Him & I can rest securely in that truth. I may slip up at times, or fall away temporarily but no matter how big I've blown it, or how many times I've made the same mistake over & over again, His grace is so much bigger than my failures & that is such a freeing truth to behold.
Our hearts are so stubborn but his love is relentless & it will overcome.
That kind of love changes things. The process may be long & drawn out & the progress slow & steady but it's movement nonetheless & it matters. His love for me never wavers & is not dependent upon my performance but only asks that I reciprocate the great love he has for me by choosing to love and accept Him in return. Then that I share with others the wonderful truth of what He's done for me. What He's done (or can do) for you. What He's done for all of us.
The fact is this, He wants better for us than what we're willing to settle for because it's what we feel like we've earned or "deserve." Our past mistakes are irrelevant to Him as He just wants us to live in light of the truth that we are so dearly loved, chosen, forgiven, redeemed, & desired by our Father in Heaven. We need not worry about tomorrow for our futures rest securely in Him.
Through Him, through the cross, through His grace
we are being made new, every day, by His redemptive love that refuses to give up.
Hold fast to that truth, dear friends & keep fighting for your faith just like He's been fighting for you.
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