Emily's 32nd birthday.. Celebrating her life & remembering her legacy ❤️

Em sent me this pic in one of her letters and told me, "You look frickin HOTT!" ha. so her <3

Emily was one of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I have never met someone so genuine, so generous, and so full of love for all people. No single person has had a greater impact on my life. When I first met Emily, I was just a 13 year old girl full of attitude and crazy about boys and not really sure of a whole lot else. She was the first person to really make Jesus and having a relationship with him real to me. She was absolutely in love with her Savior, it was evident and she made me want the same thing. Not only that, but she was aware of just how crazy-huge His love was for her too. 

Emily was my middle school small group leader in youth group and I can remember for the first time, being treated as an equal to someone I considered to be an “adult” (she was only 20 at the time). She shared her heart with us, her struggles, her love for Jesus and His relentless and unconditional love for her regardless of it all. I remember one specific time she shared with us that she had just been crying out to God because she was lonely. She just longed for companionship, and more than anything, for someone to just hold her hand. Then God led her to a verse that talks about how He takes us by the hand and that was enough for her, and it was just what she needed to hear. God was romancing her heart and though, at the time, I didn’t completely understand it, I knew that this whole God-thing was something that I wanted to be a part of. 

Now years later, as I am experiencing for myself how truly romantic God is, how much he knows me, and how great His love really is for me I feel like it’s all coming back around full-circle. The things that I saw in Emily, and learned from her are starting to make sense to me on a more personal level rather than just being something I admired in someone else. She was such a huge part of my spiritual journey. A monumental piece to laying the foundation that, though I’ve strayed away from time to time, has always remained and would be something that I would always end up coming back to.

The church that Emily and I were both attending at the time was kind of in-between worship leaders, and in a transitional period. I loved worship so naturally I was annoyed when things sounded a little less than perfect and when the one who was leading wasn’t the greatest singer in the world. But when I looked over at Emily hoping to make eye contact with her so that I could make a face showing my disapproval, she had one hand on her heart and the other stretched out as she passionately sang the words to the hymn (also not my favorite). I felt like such a jerk. God was using her as an example of what true worship looks like and it convicted me and honestly it broke my heart. In such a good way, though. In a way that’s had a lasting effect on me and changed the way I view worship. Why should it matter what it sounds like or what the conditions are the point is to praise Him for the wonderful things that He’s done and is—it’s not about me. Probably one of the most important concepts I learned from Em through my time with her and one of the hardest things to grasp as a self-absorbed teenage girl. 

I remember one Wednesday night the youth group was being especially chatty, immersed in whatever drama was going on. Our minds were busy with our own personal agendas we each had for the night. All of a sudden, Emily stood up, walked to the front, and let us have it. She lectured us for being selfish, disrespectful, catty, and whatever else we were being and then reminded us of the real reason that we were supposed to be there. We were supposed to be loving each other and seeking after Christ not fighting over boys and passing notes. She was so right. And her disappointment hit me hard. She was so frustrated with us, but it was righteous anger; the same kind that came over Jesus when he flipped over tables in the synagogue due to his disgust at the pagan activities taking place in His holy temple. Just like them, we were making a mockery out of things, whether it was intentional or not. Our motives were selfish and we needed to be put in our place. I had never experienced that sort of thing first-hand before. She had this way of making me feel like such a crappy person simply because she was just so awesome. But she still loved me and wanted to be friends with me and spent time with me. I wanted to be just like her. And I still do.

Em: "Let's all get in a circle and stick our butts out!" hehe :) <3

Now, as I too am in my early twenties, and I find myself working with youth I can’t help but think of her and hope and pray to be half the friend, mentor, and example of Christ to these kids that she was to me. Though she is no longer here with us she is still such a huge inspiration in my life and someone that I strive to be more like every single day. I want to invest in young people’s lives the way she did mine. When I talked to Emily, for the first time in my life, it was like someone really truly saw me and listened and understood me. She was able to see right through me. She wasn’t fooled by the happy-facade or fake smile and my generally very reserved self started just automatically opening up to her. I knew I was in a safe place. No judgment. She just sat there and listened—really listened and played with my hair or rubbed my back and comforted me when I needed it. She was the essence of what a true friend really looks and acts like. She was living out the life of Jesus in such a beautiful & rare way, like nothing I've ever seen or experienced before. She would give you the shirt off her back. Give her last $10 to someone in-need knowing that she didn’t have the money to pay her bills-- or eat. She was just like that. Someone you could count on. With the hugest heart, a strong desire to serve, and a soul so dedicated to God and doing His will that she let nothing get in the way of that. 

As I got older, as did she, Emily moved quite often and went on all sorts of journeys and trips from Tennessee to Africa to Australia and though it was hard to keep track of her all the time and we started to have less and less face to face conversations, she was always good about checking in every now and then by writing me letter updates (complete with pictures of her latest “potential hubby’s” or drawings of her and me doing silly things;). Those letters were the highlight of my day when I received them and I would usually tape them up on my wall because the things that she’d write in them were encouraging reminders to me and they also never failed to make me smile. Even from however many miles away she was at any particular point in her life she was still ministering to me and encouraging my heart with her kind words and the scripture verses she would share. She wrote these lyrics from a song by Seven Places in one of my letters, “even when my eyes are dry, even when my soul is tired, even when my hands are heavy, I will lift them up to you” written in her perfect and distinct handwriting. 

That song, and those words, were so powerful and came at just the right time. They were so relative to what I was going through at the time and they still encourage me to this day. One of my all-time favorite psalms (43:4a) is one that she wrote to me in a letter, as well, “Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you…” and it’s also one that helped me in finally being able to make peace with Emily’s passing.

Whenever I first heard about the accident I thought for sure that God was going to heal her and I prayed for just that. She is too important, she means too much to too many people, He can’t take her yet. When Emily didn’t make it I was completely devastated and for a while I was so mad at God that I questioned everything I’d ever known. I just didn’t understand, “Why Emily? Why now? Why, God?” Then after some time I realized how selfish that was of me. Emily was being rewarded for the amazing Christ-like life that she lived while she was here. She touched more people in her short 23 years than most people do in an entire lifetime. Does it suck for us? Absolutely. I miss her gentle spirit, contagious laugh, hilarious personality, and crazy dance moves every single day but she is dancing in Heaven with her Savior which is all she ever wanted and something she talked about regularly. I came across that verse in psalms that Emily had sent to me and I felt God speaking straight into my soul, “this is why.” She is precious and honored in His sight, and because He loves her. That’s why.

God’s peace washed over me when I came to this realization and though my heart is still sad because I wish I could talk to her and laugh with her and hug her I am resting upon the promise that she is up there waiting for me along with my great grandmother and my unborn baby I never got to meet. I will see them again, and oh, what a glorious day that will be! Where we will all come together at the feet of the Father along with the angels and dance and sing praises to His name, forevermore.

In the meantime, He sustains us. A few years back I had a dream about Emily. It felt so real. We were just chatting, catching up on life, being silly, and sharing our hopes and dreams like we often did. I woke up feeling so refreshed. What a beautiful gift from God that was. I long for the day that I get to see Emily again. I need to tell her thank you. Thank you for investing in me. For caring. For listening. For loving me just as I was. For showing me who Jesus was and what He was really all about. I would absolutely not be who I am today had it not been for her and the impact she had on me and the way she was there for me at such a crucial stage in my life. The bond that we shared is something that I will forever cherish and am so grateful to God for. I am thankful to Him for allowing me the opportunity to build a relationship with her, and learn from her, and I still aspire to be like her by living like she did, in such a humble and Christ-like way. She was fierce and fearless but she also had this child-like spirit about her and was completely free, so open and vulnerable. Which is everything I long to be, everything that we, as Jesus followers, are called to be, and I know that in her He was so very well pleased. And I bet He met her in the clouds with a, “well done, good and faithful servant” and then lead her away with a, “come with me, my child, to paradise for eternity.” 

**Happy 32nd Birthday in the sky to one of the very best friends I've ever had the pleasure of knowing! I love you Emily and I'm praying peace and comfort especially over your sweet momma and daddy and sisters and brother in this time where we are joyously celebrating your life but also painfully reminded of your absence. We're all anticipating the day when we are reunited and thankful for the fact that God sustains until then. <3