the game changer & my new name

It's not about me. & it's not about them. It's about You. It's about You in me. The pressure's off because this wars already won. & now here lately, everything around me is screaming this one solid Truth, "I am Your Beloved."

Isaiah 62:2

 The nations will see your vindication,
    and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
    that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.

Song of Songs 6:3

 I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;

Definition of GAME CHANGER

: a newly introduced element or factor that changes an existing situation or activity in a significant way

thank God I am not The Gardener

I decided, despite my lack of knowledge and ability in gardening, that I wanted to plant some flowers with my daughter. So with my hubby's help, we picked a nice sunny spot, dug some holes, and planted the seeds. And I try to remember to water them, fairly often. To be honest, I didn't really have very high expectations that anything was going to come of it. I just figured that since I had no idea what I was doing that I would somehow hinder the poor little flowers from ever amounting to anything more than a little seed buried in some dirt. Much to my elated surprise, we found signs of life this morning! A pretty good amount of little sprouts poking up from the ground, undeterred by my forgetfulness and sadly flawed attempt to 'take care' of them.

                                            Sunflower                         Zinnia

Morning Glory

Through this simple little experience God is revealing to me a couple of very valuable life lessons. The first, though it's one that's been drilled into my head ever since I was little girl, it still is not an easy concept to grasp and is one I struggle with on a daily basis: God can and will still use me regardless of how badly I feel like I am blowing it. Not only in spite of my flaws does He use me but along with them! There are certain things that He is calling me to do that the only way I am even capable or qualified to be handling them is because of the things I have experienced. The mistakes that I've made, so to speak. 

Again, this is not a new concept. We speak of it all the time. How God takes our most epic failures and biggest blunders and then turns around and creates them into something beautiful. But how often do we really practice what we preach? I know for me, when I am struggling with something my immediate reaction is definitely not "Oh, goodie I messed up real bad but it's OK because God is going to use it somehow!" Obviously that's not really an appropriate response but neither is the way I really handle it. Most of the time, I just want to hide away and wallow in my self-pity of being a flawed human who honestly, just plain sucks sometimes. 

You want to know what's awesome about me sucking, though? It's that it really doesn't matter at all how much I suck because ultimately, just like the fate of the little flower, it's up to God. And He not only knows what He's doing but He's The professional, there's no one better. He also is fully aware of my suckiness and not only loves me anyways but somehow still finds me useful, as well. You see, because I am not God I have no idea what's going on beneath the surface and really, I don't need to know. My calling is just to be obedient to Him by lovingly planting the seeds when, where and how He tells me to. It's not my job to save people, and if it were, my name would be Jesus, not Jordyn. 

The other lesson these little sprouts have taught me is that I can completely relate to them. I can identify with the little soon-to-be flower, hiding under the surface, fighting for life, ready to bloom. Trying to push it's way up out of the ground and come out into the open. As cheesy as that sounds, it's the absolute truth. When I finally do make my debut and am standing tall with my beautiful, colorful pedals and the Sun's shining down on me, I can only hope and pray that I don't forget where I came from. That I remember to point to the sky and not take credit for His handiwork. After-all I had absolutely nothing to do with what I had become anymore than a flower controls it's destiny. Only that God saw me, this little speck in the dirt and could see something in me that I didn't even know existed and by watering and carefully pruning, He brought that out of me, to use for His glory. 

spoken word.

If the truth sets us free
then why do we hide it?

We put on that mask, run from our past,
 try to disguise it.

We can't let them see
what's really going on.
'cause if they see us for who we really are,
then before long, sure enough, they'll be gone.

At least, that's the lie Satan wants us to believe
& he's had us trapped here in this prison for too long.
Enough is enough, it's time that we leave.
Time to move on.

Time to be free.
Time to speak truth.
& allow God to remind us
of how much we're really worth.

When we come into the light,
exposed for all to see
God illuminates us, lifts us up
& blesses our humility.

You see where there's truth
that's also where peace lies
that's where you find the real you
that's where you claim your life, back.

Back to that place
of grace and forgiveness
can't hold back anymore,
I'm drawn to my knees in repentance.

"Father forgive me,
for I have sinned.
Come and wash me white as snow.
Come make me whole again."

and then He runs to us
while we're still on our way
His heart is filled with compassion and joy
His beloved child has returned today.

For so long He's yearned for us
that we'd just come home
Jealously, a fire has burned for us
& it's been there all along.

He won't let us go
& He'll never give up
because He knows how much we need Him
That He's the only one able to completely fill our cup

But He won't stop there
No, He'll continue til it runeth over
because He also wants to use us
to bless his other children

That's the beauty of it all,
& now it's come full circle.

You see, we started as slaves
trapped in the bondage.
Now not only are we free
but we're freeing the hostage.

What satan meant for harm,
God used it for good.
He saw us, had mercy, & restored us
because He could.

That's the very reason He sent His only son to die
to be crucified on a tree
to pay the price for my sins
& pave the way for me.

I see it now,
it's all been made clear.
Remove the blinders
Redemption is here.

Now I live to worship
the one true King
who saved me, rearranged me
& gave me a new song to sing.

On Him and Him alone
will I meditate day and night
How beautiful and incredible it is to be reminded
that I am precious in His sight.

one way or another

The truth is, because we are human beings we all struggle with some sort of pride at some point in time. Even those of us who claim (or seem) to be the most humble and soft-spoken have issues at times with thinking we're bigger and better than we really are. Even if we don't appear to be walking around with our chests out or gloating in ourselves and our abilities we can still be struggling with pride, inwardly. Pride is defined as a 'feeling of pleasure from one's own achievements' which means that, it's a possibility that we can have that proud feeling inside without anyone ever really knowing about it. God knows, though because he sees our heart.

The funny thing about pride, though it comes in many different forms God can't stand any of it. No wonder why though, by being prideful we are taking credit for His awesome works. For His craftsmanship. He created us and everything good about us is a gift from Him. A result of a piece of Him coming to the surface from being inside of us. So of course when we've gotten one too many compliments and have started letting it go to our head, this does not please Him. The Bible even says He 'opposes' those who are prideful. I think what that means is He takes us on and challenges those of us struggling with pride by snapping us back into reality. He cuts us down to size. Humbles us. Being brought to your knees in humility is in no way fun. It hurts and usually involves some sort of public humiliation, resulting in a big blow to the ego, but it most definitely does it's job in shaking us out of our haughty attitude. When God does humble you and it's no one's fault but your own you just have to admit your mistake, learn to forgive yourself, and move on.

There are wonderful and amazing things too, though, that come from being humbled. Besides a renewed state of mind, refocused and centered back around the fact that God is good and I am not, it puts us in a more appropriate position to be of use. We are a whole lot less intimidating and way more approachable when people have seen us for what we really are. When we've been exposed. Much more so than when we're walking around with some false sense of entitlement due to over-confidence in our believed abilities. That kind of attitude disgusts God, and drives away His precious children that we're supposed to be loving on. They look at us with our seemingly picture perfect lives we've created and then they see their own sin so they run and hide. They think that there is no way we could ever relate to them. All we've let them see is the good side of us, the pretty stuff. They have no idea that in all actuality, we are struggling right along with them, possibly even with some of the same exact ugly issues they deal with regularly. Being humbled brings this to light, and allows for growth and new relationships to potentially stem from it.

Another great thing about being humbled, it puts us in our place. I know right, what's so "great" about that? Well, once we're back down where we belong God is still right there with us and promises that He will lift us up. It makes perfect sense really. An excellent, real-life, illustration of Him being the only One worthy of praise and the only One in whom we can boast. I mean honestly, what can we boast about when our own bad choices have led us down the wrong path until we've hit rock bottom? Yep, absolutely nothing. Then He comes and delivers us, what can we boast about then? Only Him. We will come to that conclusion eventually, one way or another but if I could choose how, I think I'd rather just make the conscious decision on my own to lay down my pride before Him rather than needing His assistance in humbling me. Unfortunately though, sometimes we just have to learn some lessons the hard way.

Ephesians 1:22-23(NIV)

And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

1 Corinthians 1:29-31NIV)

so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus,who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

Ephesians 5:13(NIV)

13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.

James 4:6 (ESV)

But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

James 4:10(NIV)

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.

a missionary's heart

This morning as I was praying, I asked God for His guidance in regards to a possible mission trip I may be taking to Jamaica in November. I prayed that God would give us peace about it and work out all the details. Then I prayed that if it is meant to be for me to take this trip, that God will really open my eyes while I'm there to see any and every opportunity possible to serve Him. To align my will with His each day, so that I can be as effective as possible when it comes to being a witness for Him and loving on His precious children over there. Then it hit me. God gently but abruptly spoke into my spirit "but my child, isn't that how you want to live for Me every day?" Woah, mind blown. Seriously though it's crazy that I never realized it before. I mean yeah I've prayed the cliche "Lord make right here, wherever I'm at my mission field today." But what about my heart? 

I took my very first missions trip to the New Life Children's Home in Port Au Prince, Haiti when I was just 12 years old. I had no idea what to expect at first but I can tell you that that trip changed my life forever. Even though things were way different than I was used to back home with our hot showers, comfortable beds, big house, and surplus of food. I began to feel like this place was becoming my home. The children my brothers and sisters. The people my people. Late one night I was having trouble sleeping, just thinking about everything I had seen and so many people who need help. At the same time the contagious smiles that were constantly on their faces. They radiated such joy regardless of however desperate their situation. I opened my Bible and began to read a passage, that spoke straight to my heart. God revealed to me that night as a little girl that this was to by my life's purpose, that I was to be a missionary. I fell so completely in love. So much so, that I cried the entire plane ride home for fear that I was never going to see them again. Luckily I was bound and determined not to let that happen and I ended up going back to the same orphanage for the next 7 years after that.

You see I have a heart for missions, and anyone who has ever been on a trip and been touched the way I had been by the experience knows exactly what I'm talking about. They also know that it is one of the hardest things to try and explain to someone. All I can say is that it's something deep within me that drives me. I crave to go back. I long for the experience, the people, the culture, the precious babies. Most of all because I feel like finally, I am actually contributing. Over there I seem to truly grasp how to live like a true christian should. How we are called to live. Out of my comfort zone, selflessly serving, and seeking God's guidance daily. It's like I become this brand new person. So then when I'm presented with the opportunity to go on another trip, it's almost all I can think about. I take it so seriously that, like this morning, I immediately start praying for that. Asking God to make it clear to me. My heart is completely in it, one-hundred percent. 

Which brings me back to my original question and what God spoke into my spirit this morning. Why am I not taking my everyday life as seriously as I do a mission trip? Quite frankly, I really don't have a good answer for that. I just know that I am grateful that God brought this to my attention today. Though it seems really obvious, I was unaware and now am truly convicted. I do want to treat my normal, everyday life as my mission field. Not only will that make me feel more fulfilled because I know that's what I've been called to do, but it will also help me to change my perspective. When I change my perspective God begins to bring to my awareness all of these things and people that I've been too busy or too selfish to ever notice before. Ways for me to make a difference, right here in my local community. He opens my eyes in a new way, and like when I'm over there, gives me the courage and desire to take action. I can see that there are so many people who are struggling. So many who could use a helping hand. So why can't I be the one to offer it, and then point them to Jesus?

I don't have to wait for my next mission trip in order for my heart to be so on fire for Jesus that it's overflowing and touching everyone around me. No, that can happen right now because that same God who is with me and empowering me over there is right here next to me today. Desiring for me to surrender this day to Him, to His will. If I adapt the missionary attitude to my everyday life, if I put my whole heart in it and take it as seriously by putting as much thought and prayer into it, how much different will my life be? How much greater of a witness will I become? How much bigger of an impact will I make? I don't want to just wait around claiming that God told me I'll 'be a missionary, somday' when there are starving, hurting, orphaned, windowed, poor and needy people right here in my own back yard. This is the mission field God has called me to. This is what He meant when he spoke into my spirit that night. It starts now, in fact it started a long time ago I have just been to careless to notice. 

this is a shout out

Hey, you there. No matter who you are, where you are in life, or what you've been through, you are beautiful. You are dearly loved. And you are so much more than enough. So stop beating yourself up. Stop being so hard on yourself. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back because no one can be you better than you can, dear one. I know it's hard sometimes and you want to give up. You feel like no one really cares that much anyways. So why try so hard? You gotta keep on striving though and don't you ever quit. All your hard work will pay off, and things will get easier, I promise. I know sometimes you feel alone, but you have a friend in Jesus and He is all you'll ever need. Don't be afraid of what's to come, of change because more than likely that's the start of Him doing something new and fantastic in you. Most of all, keep your head up and be strong. You are amazing, and don't you ever let anyone make you feel any different. You are precious in His sight, and He delights in you. He rejoices over you with singing. What should it matter what other mere flawed humans think, in comparison to how the God of the universe views you.

Hey single mom, I know this is not how you planned things. I know that sometimes it's all you can do to just sit there and cry wondering how things even got to be the way they are. Wondering what you did to deserve this, and if you'll ever catch a break. You are so strong, though. So much stronger than you ever imagined yourself being. You are doing a wonderful job, too, even if most people don't understand. Even if they look down on you, or criticize you, or they judge you. Even if you're child doesn't always recognize it or sometimes lashes out in confusion, they are so incredibly blessed to have a Super-Mom, who cares as much and works as hard as you do. I know that you work so hard and that you could really use a break sometimes but more often than not you have to put your own feelings and desires aside to be there for your kids. To do what's right. I know you have to make decisions and sacrifices that no one should ever have to, especially alone, but you do it. I know that you feel guilty about not 'being there' enough because your trying to fulfill all the roles in the house at one time, as one person but you're doing the best you can. Way better than you give yourself credit for. So don't be discouraged, God will most certainly bless your obedience. I know it gets so hard sometimes and you just want to scream. You know what else I know though, you love your child(ren) more than anything else on this Earth and you are going to do anything and everything in your power to fight for them, to be strong for them, and to do what's best for them. That's why it's all worth it, and let me just tell you, for doing so, you rock!

Hey hard-working dad, I know you're worn thin and often being stretched in so many different directions. I know it can get stressful and complex trying to balance it all: the wife, the boss, the kids, God, but I want to assure you that you are doing an excellent job. I know you are tired after a long days work and when you come home you want nothing more than to just curl up on the couch and veg out. To just shut your brain off. I want to thank you though, because that's not what you do at all. No, most days you still somehow manage to muster up the energy to play with the kids, be the handyman around the house, and listen to your wife babble-on about her day. I know that you put everyone else's needs before your own and that being a dad and a husband takes precedence over anything and everything else. I also know that sometimes you just need a day of doing nothing and that's OK. I know sometimes you feel overworked and underpaid only to come home to a family who seems unappreciative but take it from a wife who knows, your family is GRATEFUL for you. They may not always remember to say 'thank you' for working so hard to keep this roof overhead and food on the table but they are thankful. I know you have to make hard calls when it comes to things like skipping the Saturday morning meeting to be at your son's little league game but I can tell you that not only does he notice but it means the absolute world to him when he sees you in those stands, cheering him on. I know it's a lot of pressure being the head of the home and being the one responsible for so much but when you surrender your life, your family, to Christ, the way you do then it's pretty safe to say that you're on the right track, no matter how many times you feel like you've 'messed up' today.

Hey struggling college kid, I know you miss home, your parents your friends, and most of all free home-cooked meals. I know you study like nobody's business and more times than you've been able to keep track of you've pulled an all-nighter to finish that paper that's due at 8am. I know you are barely making it and have to work part-time on top of taking full-time classes just to barely get by. Believe me when I say that all your hard-work will most definitely pay off! All those times that you've skipped the pool party to study for your mid-term. I know it wasn't easy, but you made the right call. I also know that you love this life. You love the new-found freedom, that you make your own rules and do what you please. I know that you've learned some lessons the hard way and that doing what's easiest at the time does not always claim to be true in the long run. I know that you love a place to call your own, even if it's junky, run-down, and there's always a pile of dishes in the sink. I know that you love your new community, your new friends, and experiencing so many new things. I also know that these are considered to be some of the very best times in your life so take it in and do it all. I know right now, as your looking at being here for the next however many years, that that seems like forever. Believe me, it will fly by faster than you think and you will most definitely miss it when it's gone. So struggle on and don't sweat the small stuff, keep working hard but also make time to have fun. Most importantly though, make sure not to compromise any of your beliefs or morals. It's OK and healthy even to be open-minded and hear different perspectives but don't get led astray without researching for yourself. Always remember that the single most important book you'll be needing to get you through these years, is your Bible.

Hey frustrated teen, I know that this time in your life is so incredibly confusing and terrifying, not to mention, embarrassing. I know that you are trying your hardest to please everyone: your parents, your teachers, your friends, that crush of yours. Just remember that when it comes to being a 'good kid' there's nothing to be ashamed of. You may get made fun of but that's just part of life. It happens to the best of us. Try not to take it so personally. Just let it roll off your back, when people see you responding that way, they'll admire you (even if it's from afar) and more than likely they'll leave you alone. Try not to worry so much about what your friends or so-and-so who's 'really cute' thinks. Just focus on being you and your true friends, the ones that matter and will last, will love that about you. I know sometimes you feel way more responsible than you should have to be at your age having to help out with the younger siblings or maybe even take care of your parents from time to time but don't let this world bring you down. I know your parents fight sometimes and even if they're not together anymore and your home-life is anything but stable your Heavenly Father is always by your side. Cling to that promise and be comforted. He won't abandon you, ever and the great thing about him in regards to stability is that he NEVER changes. Take it from a girl who is a product of a broken. I know it sucks and it's scary and your angry but I also know that the things that seem to be the hardest in this life are the very things that shape us into exactly who we were meant to be. I know that you are insecure, and that most days you feel fat or ugly or lame or some combination of the three. You have to ignore those lies though and that is exactly what they are, lies. You are beautiful and unique and freakin hilarious. Believe it!

Hey empty-nester, I know you are suddenly overwhelmed with this new-found freedom. This new sense of completion and honestly you're not sure exactly how you feel about it yet. You just know that it's all very bittersweet. Before anything else, though let me just say, props to you for successfully completing one of the toughest jobs there is in regards to being a parent. Beyond birthing and raising them (which are each huge feats all on their own) you've guided them and assisted them in getting out of that nest and taking their first flight. Well done (if I could high-five you right now, I would;)! I know sometimes the quiet scares you because what you're used to is your kids and your kids friends always being around and usually being way too loud up until all hours of the night. I know that the things that used to drive you crazy you now crave knowing that things will never be that way again. I know that you miss your baby(ies) and partly your scared for them and just want to keep them with you, where they're safe and protected. Try not to worry though, all that hardwork you put into raising them right and all those good morals and the sound doctrine you instilled in them since day one will not go unheeded. They may have times where they want to experience different things and they may even rebel a little (or a lot) but you've gotta trust God with them now more than ever. In-time they'll come back around. Praying is your best weapon against the temptations they'll be battling. I know that you put so much time and effort into your kids for so long and that now that that part of your life is over part of you feels a little useless. Like 'what do I do now?' Take that trip you've always wanted to, rekindle your relationship with your spouse, do the stuff you never had time to do before. Don't feel guilty about enjoying this new freedom that your not quite used to yet. It's more than OK to let out one big long sigh of relief, it's been a long time coming and you've most definitely earned it!

Hey widowed widower, I know that your whole world, everything you've ever known (for that last however many years at least) has just come crashing down before you. I know that you are frightened and that your heart is aching. I know that things that use to come easily now seem like this huge burdensome task that exhausts you both physically and emotionally. I know that you feel alone and the quiet is deafening, it scares you to death. I also know that God is close to the brokenhearted, and that even when you feel alone He is always right there by your side and the two of you, together, can take on anything. I know you're struggling with your sense of worth and your angry that your life long partner, is no longer with you. I also know that the Lord is not finished with you yet, if he were He'd go ahead and call you home as well. He hasn't, however because He still has great plans for you, beloved! So keep your eyes open and ears attentive for the next big thing even if it's just in the form of a small project He wants you to tackle. I know that each day is a brand new struggle that you have to fight day after day after day and I know that you're tired and sometimes you're just ready to quit. I know you hate what this world has come to and sometimes you are too scared to even leave your house. Know and be encouraged that God is the ruler yet. Also know that He always has and always will take care of you. Especially now as you are in this time of need. I know your skeptical of 'that kid' from next door who comes over to help or just sits with you from time to time. Be open-minded to that. I know you are fiercely independent and somewhat offended but take advantage of the help when it's available. You might even find that in those times you build the sincerest relationships that turn into friendships and eventually 'that kid' seems like family to you. Something you weren't even sure of at first ends up becoming one of the greatest blessings of your life.

Hello child of God. It's time to start believing the TRUTH. No matter what you've heard, or what you've been called, or how you feel at this point and time in your life. It all comes down to this: There is a God who's love for you is immeasurable and He wants to use you, yes you. So don't think your job here on earth is done, or hasn't yet started, it just wont happen at all because it's going on right now whether you recognize it or not. This is a shout out, for all of you who feel like your too big of a mess, or under-qualified, or too young, or 'past those years', or just plain useless, and everything else in between because that is simply not the case, my sweet friend. The truth is God uses any of us and all of us and with each and every time in our life playing a part, He creates in us something of value. Something that He wants to re-purpose into this thing, uniquely astounding. He wants you to use it to turn around and bless someone else. I know that this all sounds like a lot to take in but what a lovely thought it is when we are able to recognize that every one of us, no matter what stage in life we are at, are exactly where we need to be and is playing a role in this divine greater purpose. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel pretty awesome, and even more than that it makes me want to open my eyes a little wider so that I don't miss anything. Sometimes the smallest assignments become the biggest most unexpected blessings. Then other times the task at hand, what he's asking us to do, seems crazy big! I know however, that God is on your side and with Him there is absolutely NOTHING you cannot do. So embrace it, and enjoy the ride. Don't wish for back when or hope too much for the future; but rather, take in the now. Find out what it is your supposed to be doing for Him and go for it.

why it's good to roll out of bed and fall on your face

I got down on my knees this morning and prayed, for the first time in a long time. I know, sounds pretty terrible, 'isn't she supposed to be a christian!?' I mean don't get me wrong, I pray. Usually all throughout the day where you just throw up the quick "thank you for this" or "please help so-and-so with that" kind of thing. There is something completely refreshing, however, when you actually go to a quiet place and physically bow down before Him, sit at His feet and pour your heart out. Usually I do this when something big is happening or about to happen and I feel like my prayer needs some 'extra attention.' This morning, though, I just felt, from the Spirit within me, that I needed to. Like I've been missing out on this intimacy with God for so long, for no reason at all. Except that life's been pretty mellow lately. You know how it's said that we are the bride of Christ? Well, I feel like after having gotten married, that He and I have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for a while now, and it's finally starting to bother me. It's sad that for the most part, I can just go through my day without spending any real quality time with Him and be completely fine with it. I do my devotions and say a quick prayer and then I'm done for the day, back to my to-do list or checking up on all 7 different forms of social media. Gross.

Sometimes I seriously disgust myself. Imagine how God feels about it then? I mean, what if that was how our earthly spouse treated us? Never truly giving us their undivided attention, always busy with other completely unimportant things. I'm pretty sure I would have not only noticed but made a huge fuss about it long before it started to become a habit. God doesn't do that though, He could beat us into submission if He wanted to but He won't because He wants us to choose for ourselves, to desire for Him all on our own. That's crazy though, I basically ignore Him on a regular basis and then the moment I decide "Hey, this sucks. I need more of You," He is right there ready to welcome me back into His arms. Not only does He completely forgive me for being so rude and selfish all the time, but then He listens to every single word I have to say. Wow. That is true love, and how undeserving but blessed am I to be able to experience such. So why do I do it, and why does it take so long for me to get back on track?

First of all, I all to easily take Him for granted. I know, how can I do that right!? After everything He's done and continues to do for me day after day and that's how I repay Him. Unfortunately though, yes. I am human and I forget how amazing He is and how good it is to be in His presence. How in comparison, nothing else even remotely comes close to that feeling. It's not just a feeling at all though, because feelings fade and change with time. What Christ gives me though, is a steady, unchanging, reality. A freedom from bondage that's had a hold on me for ages, that I could never seem to shake no matter how hard I tried. One look from Him, though and my sins are washed away. He promises to make me new again no matter how long it's been or what I've done in the meantime. He doesn't hold my weaknesses against me, but rather uses them to empower me and change me into the me that He needs me to be.

I somehow forget that though people even my closest family and friends will indeed fail me, He will not, not ever. How on earth can I possibly take all of that for granted? Lord, thank you for your patience with me and for ever so gently re-reminding me. Like this morning, I woke up feeling like I was missing something. Craving something. Something that I hadn't had in a while and knew I needed (and no it wasn't veggies). I realize that that was Him quietly awakening in me the desire for Him that I once had. I found myself attempting to rekindle that fire because without it, without that intimate communion with Him, I am no longer whole; but rather, just a mere sliver of what I could be, always longing for something more, never truly satisfied. So I got up, and being that I was barely awake, I basically fell on my face. Isn't that exactly where I need to be? Humbled before Him, the One, the only One, in fact, who is able to fill the hole that's in my heart.

Distraction. It's the other key factor in this equation that pulls me away from drawing closer to God through quiet reverence. This is a big one for me, since I suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (undiagnosed of course;) I can be praying about something and then all of the sudden my mind trails off and somehow I am no longer praying but now thinking about the fact that I would really like some rocky road ice cream. Random, I know. Really though, there are so many things that play a role in this. So many things competing for my attention. So many different forms of distraction that arise all to quickly and steal away my concentration before I've even realized what's happening. Ranging from Facebook, to laundry, to my writing. None of which are bad per-say (fb is debatable) but if they are taking precedence over or taking me away from time I should be spending with God, then somethings not straight with my priorities.

So how do I challenge that? That's easy, by making the decision that when I get up in the morning, no matter what, the first thing I should do, is hit the floor. Yes, I do mean literally. Getting on my knees and praying or just listening to God before I do anything else. OK, so it's really not that easy when you consider all the potential scenarios that could arise to keep you from doing so but it is so incredibly worth it to try. By doing so, I'm starting my day off right. By humbling myself before Him and asking Him to search my heart and reveal things to me. Things I need to work on, things to be looking for, things He wants me to do. I guarantee that when I let Him direct my day it will go a heck of a lot smoother than when I'm just going through the motions and being led off track by anything and everything relating to God knows what. When I don't align my will, each day, with His there is so much blessing both on the giving and receiving ends that I am potentially missing out on. Why would I let anything distract me from having a heart-to-heart conversation with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The one who knows me better than I know myself, who can show me things about myself  that no one else has the ability to. It's silly really, but it happens nonetheless.

When we focus on Him with our undivided attention, in worship and in prayer He gives us a taste of eternity. That is why it is so amazing and that also is why, I believe, satan uses anything and everything he can throw at us to try and distract us from or draw us away from experiencing it. Because once we have that is all we want. The more we get, the the closer to God we become and in-turn, the bigger the difference we are able to make on our world. With His hand on us what can we not do!? When we open up our hearts to Him and let Him speak straight into our souls the things He can and will bring out of us is astounding. Experiencing that closeness with Him is revealing to us what is to come, and preparing us for it. It is the tool He uses that is equipping us for battle, for all that lies ahead in the day before us. It is almost imperative for us to get up and get it from Him first thing in the morning because if you haven't noticed, there's a war raging on out there. One of good and evil and I for one do not want to go out empty handed, not when my 'supply source' is ready and willing to fill me up as soon as I get out of bed in the morning.

worship in words

There is something so incredibly sacred about putting pen to paper, or I guess in my case most of the time, putting my fingers to a keyboard. There is no better way to express yourself, so freely, so openly, so completely. I don't write because I have to, or because I am getting paid to (ha! yeah, that'd be nice ;) but I write in order be free. To release my mind from it's constant state of chaos in which there is this whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and desires; all screaming different things, all wanting to be heard. So I sift through all of that madness and somehow manage to scrape up something that's halfway meaningful, if I'm lucky. Most of all though, even more than I intend to use my writing to inspire and/or encourage (which is a lot), I write to bring glory to God. In hopes of bringing a sweet smile to my Heavenly Father's face that seems to say "beloved daughter, in you I am well pleased." I need to hear that, and even more than just hearing, I need to believe it!

I've always struggled with finding my purpose in life, and for so long have wrongly felt that I really don't have much to offer. That I don't possess any real talents, not any that are worth sharing at least. God is revealing to me, however, through this blog and through my writing that that is so completely untrue. Those are just lies from the evil one because He has most certainly blessed me with plenty of assets, one of those being the gift of words. Whatever that means and whatever He is going to have me do with it, is beyond me at this point but regardless of all that, I am grateful for this gift.

Words can be so beautiful, painting astounding pictures in the mind as if the art of the soul. They hold such an immense amount of power and importance and need not be taken lightly. So despite my usual lack of confidence in this seemingly insignificant gift, it is indeed something. Not just any something, though but something remarkably special. More than just talent, God has granted me a great responsibility because with your words you have got to be extremely careful. You see your words, my words, have the ability to completely tear someone apart and sadly, sometimes without even realizing it; but they also posses the power of building someone up, of making their day, of totally lifting their spirits. It's easy sometimes to just let whatever's in your head come flying out of your mouth, without even thinking about it. That is so incredibly dangerous though and potentially, disastrous. Believe me, in doing so, I have gotten myself  into trouble more times than I'd like to admit (just ask dear husband;).

Having a gift as such requires a lot of purposeful thought processing and self control. Neither of which I have quite mastered yet, most likely because my pride has kept me from completely giving them over to God like I should. If I am being perfectly honest, it's because sometimes it feels good to fly off the handles. I mean it was most definitely not uncalled-for, and they asked for it. Right!? Wrong. I've heard it said that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Really!? Ouch. I sincerely hope that's not what's filling up my heart. Our words are the truest indicator, though, His word says so. Sounds to me like I need some open-heart surgery. You know, the spiritual kind.  So we're working on it, reigning in those negative thoughts that turn into rude comments because they are most definitely not benefiting any one who just might happen to be listening, let alone the one I'm speaking so harshly to. Bridling the tongue is not an easy task but if I chose to just "accept it" instead of letting God atone it, then my 'religion', everything I stand for, is considered worthless. 

So I'm challenged, to take my words and point them upwards, and use them to proclaim His name. What better a Being to talk about than the very One who thought up life itself. Who breathed into existence each and every living creature here on this Earth. The One who can do no wrong, who's way is completely flawless and who from Him every good and perfect thing is derived. Who's name is great and worthy to be praised throughout the universe and to the very end of the age. He is the essence of beauty, the epitome of grace, and the very reason we can be sure of this hope we have that's hidden deep within the depths of our hearts. There is not a single thing, no one, greater than He, there never has been, nor will there ever be after. He is the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, the Great I Am.  He is the Savior of our souls and yet at the same time our very best friend. He is the One who never leaves our side, who takes hold of our hand and guides us every step of the way. His majesty is unfathomable and deserves nothing less than our unceasing reverence and adoration. He alone is worthy of all glory, and honor, and power, forever, and ever. Amen.

perfection, aa meetings, and the purpose of the church

I can't figure out for the life of me why our culture is so obsessed with this idea of somehow attaining perfection. Especially in regards to Christianity. Don't we realize that we are, without a doubt, setting ourselves up for failure? Let's talk about the church for a minute. I'm pretty sure, last time I read my Bible at least, that no where in it does it say that in order to walk into that building, to be a part of that community, you have to meet this specific criteria, or be up to a certain standard, and that if you're not, well then you'd better be good at faking it and hope for the best, so that no one finds out the truth. In fact, my Bible even goes as far as to preach the exact opposite. So why does this seem to be the recurring theme when it comes to most churches here in the States in this day and age. It not only promotes absolute chaos and utter silliness, this trying to attain some unreachable goal; but I believe it completely displeases God, which totally contradicts everything that we are supposed to be about as Christians, doesn't it!?

Jesus himself hung out and made friends with the lowest of the lows, the people that the general public we're 'too good' to talk to, the tax collectors, the lepers, the prostitutes, the Samaritans and so on. He also spoke about coming to save the sick not those who are 'already well.' Which should be pretty encouraging considering that's each and every one of us when we stop pretending and remove the plastic 'my life is perfect' mask. Believe me, I know it's not an easy thing to do. I always picture being in an Alcoholics (or whatever is may be) Annonymous meeting where we're all sitting around in a circle taking turns saying  "Hello my name is [blank]" and then we spill our guts to everyone, telling them all the things we're struggling with. It may not happen quite as dramatically as that, but I feel like when we do own up to our sins, that's when things really start happening. That's where we find redemption. When we put ourselves out there and admit that we need help, that is when our healing process begins. Not to mention, it potentially opens the door for others to speak up as well. Those who may also have been 'fighting to hold on, but pretty good at faking it' for a long time because now they know they're not the only one. We'll never be truly free if we don't learn to admit our failures to one another. We have to find a way to be real in a world that is not only run by but also completely consumed with superficial materialism. He said the world wouldn't understand though, and of all the things He promised never once did He say it was going to be easy.

The Church that pleases Christ is the one that welcomes us all just as we are. It doesn't stop you at the door to check for issues or to ensure that you've 'got it all together' only to send you away with their dirty looks and wrongful judgments, if you don't. That doesn't mean they condone our sin or pat us on the back when what we really need is a kick in the butt; but rather, they befriend us, they tell us we're not alone in this and that believe it or not, they struggle right along side us because the truth is, we all struggle. Then they tell us what we need to hear, the God's honest truth in a way that doesn't condemn us but it does convict us. They tell us that no matter what is going on in our lives, we're never too far gone or past the point of no return because there is a God who's love for us is so deep and who's grace is sufficient and He's ready and willing to forgive if we're willing to repent. All along this process, as we laugh they rejoice with us, as we cry they mourn with us, and they become our family.

Together as one body of Christ, each with our own unique story and talents, we then use our personal testimonies to share with others. To give them hope, and to let them know that "Hey, guess what, I've been right where you are and I most certainly am no better than you." As Jesus Christ as our example we love, we serve, we speak, we pray; all in hopes of bringing Glory to His name and drawing more of His children into Himself. Not because we feel obligated to or because they 'need it' or it makes us feel good inside but simply because not too long ago, that was us and someone took the time. Someone was there to pick us up, to dust us off. Who showed us grace, and lead us to Christ and to our ultimate freedom. We want nothing more than for anyone and everyone we meet to experience this same gift we've been so freely given. This same joy and peace we now have in knowing that no matter what, at the end of the day, our hope is secure because He will eventually call us Home. When He does and we finally are made whole, and complete and standing in the presence of His Greatness, everything will fade away, nothing else will matter anymore and ALL things will be made right again. That, my dear friends, will be perfection.

Mark 2:15

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. 

Matthew 21:31-32

Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. 32 For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.

Luke 17:17

Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 19 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

James 5:16

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

John 15:18

“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first.

John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

2 Corinthians 3:17

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

The greatest love story ever told

I was thinking the other day about what I would say to God if I were given the opportunity to be sitting in the same room with Him just having a conversation, face-to-face, for the very first time. After falling on my face before Him and Him picking me up off the floor, only two main things came to mind: "I'm sorry." and "Thank you." Of course there would be other things whirling through my brain as well, questions I've always wanted answers to, reasons why for this or that, but overall those two statements are all I could seem to get out when I played this scenario out in my head. Not without some elaboration, of course but I really don't think I would feel worthy enough to voice my opinion on anything else before setting a few things straight with the Big Man upstairs.

First things first, I feel like I would need to apologize. For everything. I'm sorry for my pride, for being rude, and selfish, and hateful. I'm sorry for letting my arrogance get the best of me and thinking I have all the answers. I'm sorry for assuming that I know what's best for me and for forgetting to look up and discuss things with You, my Creator. I'm sorry for not trusting You, for disrespecting You, for disgracing Your perfect name. I'm sorry for being stubborn, for choosing to go my own way instead of just following You like I know I should. I'm sorry for the times that I've rebelled and ran away from You and caused myself so much unnecessary heartache. I'm sorry for wrongfully blaming You for whatever turmoil was going on in my life instead of just running to You with my problems. I'm sorry for the times I've lost my temper, when I let anger win, and give-in to the temptation to let evil take over me instead of practicing self-control. I'm sorry for being a hypocrite and a terrible witness at times and for mocking You. I'm sorry for worshiping false idols like other people/relationships, money, and technology just to name a few. I put those things above my God, the Savior of my soul and for that I am truly ashamed. I'm sorry for being more concerned about my 'image' and how people perceive me than actually trying to be how You want me to be and working on my true character. I'm sorry for hurting You by not spending time with You, talking to You, and in Your Word. I'm sorry for being lazy and taking the easy way out. I'm sorry for being embarrassed and cowardice when it comes to being Your witness.  I am so sorry for breaking Your heart, time and time again with all the terrible things I continue to do over and over again. I am sorry, most of all, because you don't deserve this at all, not one little bit, You are perfect and I fail You time after time after time. From the very bottom of my heart I am sorry.

And God in all His magnificent glory, unending grace and tender love responds to my soul so broken and downcast within me like this: 'My child, you are forgiven. Go now and be free from all your sins. I have made you new and you will live with me in Paradise for eternity. For you are precious and honored and my sight and because I LOVE YOU.'

Completely beside myself with gratitude, I begin to weep. When I am able to compose myself all I can manage to get out is "Thank You." Thank You for loving me, unconditionally. Thank You for offering me grace upon grace that I never deserve and even before I ask. Thank You for never giving up on me but instead chasing after me. Thank You for teaching me, for molding me, for making me. Thank You for being patient with me and for giving me the free will to be able to choose. Thank You for not abandoning me when I make the wrong choice, which is more often than not. Thank You for using me even when I mess up and even when I don't even realize it. Thank You for working everything that happens in my life together for good, to accomplish some greater purpose that only You can see. Thank You for giving so freely, for so richly blessing me and for not giving me what I truly deserve. Thank You for my life and for all the people you've placed in it. Thank You for using any and every single circumstance in my life to get me one step closer to where I need to be, and for intricately designing me right down to every last little detail. Thank You for fearfully and wonderfully making me and for being well pleased with what You had done. Thank You for taking pride in me, for cheering me on, for comforting me when I am down and for giving me the strength and courage to rise up once again after I've fallen. Thank You for never leaving my side, and for fighting for me. Thank You for making the ultimate sacrifice of sending Your perfect and holy son who could do no wrong to the cross to be ridiculed, brutally beaten and finally killed to pay for my sins, an imperfect, unstable mess who most of the time can't seem to do anything right. I am in awe of You and all that You do, all that You are. Their are not enough words with big enough significance to even begin to describe how thankful I am. Spending an eternity worshiping you will only begin to scratch the surface of attempting to relay back to you the impact of your amazing greatness that not only touches, but overwhelms me every single day.

Mark 5:34 (NIV)

He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

18 

Isaiah 43: 18-19a

“Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!

John 10:28 

28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.

Titus 3:7

7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Isaiah 43:4a

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,

1 Corinthians 2:9

However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[a]—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—

1 Peter 5:10

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

John 3:16

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Isaiah 41:10

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.