a missionary's heart

This morning as I was praying, I asked God for His guidance in regards to a possible mission trip I may be taking to Jamaica in November. I prayed that God would give us peace about it and work out all the details. Then I prayed that if it is meant to be for me to take this trip, that God will really open my eyes while I'm there to see any and every opportunity possible to serve Him. To align my will with His each day, so that I can be as effective as possible when it comes to being a witness for Him and loving on His precious children over there. Then it hit me. God gently but abruptly spoke into my spirit "but my child, isn't that how you want to live for Me every day?" Woah, mind blown. Seriously though it's crazy that I never realized it before. I mean yeah I've prayed the cliche "Lord make right here, wherever I'm at my mission field today." But what about my heart? 

I took my very first missions trip to the New Life Children's Home in Port Au Prince, Haiti when I was just 12 years old. I had no idea what to expect at first but I can tell you that that trip changed my life forever. Even though things were way different than I was used to back home with our hot showers, comfortable beds, big house, and surplus of food. I began to feel like this place was becoming my home. The children my brothers and sisters. The people my people. Late one night I was having trouble sleeping, just thinking about everything I had seen and so many people who need help. At the same time the contagious smiles that were constantly on their faces. They radiated such joy regardless of however desperate their situation. I opened my Bible and began to read a passage, that spoke straight to my heart. God revealed to me that night as a little girl that this was to by my life's purpose, that I was to be a missionary. I fell so completely in love. So much so, that I cried the entire plane ride home for fear that I was never going to see them again. Luckily I was bound and determined not to let that happen and I ended up going back to the same orphanage for the next 7 years after that.

You see I have a heart for missions, and anyone who has ever been on a trip and been touched the way I had been by the experience knows exactly what I'm talking about. They also know that it is one of the hardest things to try and explain to someone. All I can say is that it's something deep within me that drives me. I crave to go back. I long for the experience, the people, the culture, the precious babies. Most of all because I feel like finally, I am actually contributing. Over there I seem to truly grasp how to live like a true christian should. How we are called to live. Out of my comfort zone, selflessly serving, and seeking God's guidance daily. It's like I become this brand new person. So then when I'm presented with the opportunity to go on another trip, it's almost all I can think about. I take it so seriously that, like this morning, I immediately start praying for that. Asking God to make it clear to me. My heart is completely in it, one-hundred percent. 

Which brings me back to my original question and what God spoke into my spirit this morning. Why am I not taking my everyday life as seriously as I do a mission trip? Quite frankly, I really don't have a good answer for that. I just know that I am grateful that God brought this to my attention today. Though it seems really obvious, I was unaware and now am truly convicted. I do want to treat my normal, everyday life as my mission field. Not only will that make me feel more fulfilled because I know that's what I've been called to do, but it will also help me to change my perspective. When I change my perspective God begins to bring to my awareness all of these things and people that I've been too busy or too selfish to ever notice before. Ways for me to make a difference, right here in my local community. He opens my eyes in a new way, and like when I'm over there, gives me the courage and desire to take action. I can see that there are so many people who are struggling. So many who could use a helping hand. So why can't I be the one to offer it, and then point them to Jesus?

I don't have to wait for my next mission trip in order for my heart to be so on fire for Jesus that it's overflowing and touching everyone around me. No, that can happen right now because that same God who is with me and empowering me over there is right here next to me today. Desiring for me to surrender this day to Him, to His will. If I adapt the missionary attitude to my everyday life, if I put my whole heart in it and take it as seriously by putting as much thought and prayer into it, how much different will my life be? How much greater of a witness will I become? How much bigger of an impact will I make? I don't want to just wait around claiming that God told me I'll 'be a missionary, somday' when there are starving, hurting, orphaned, windowed, poor and needy people right here in my own back yard. This is the mission field God has called me to. This is what He meant when he spoke into my spirit that night. It starts now, in fact it started a long time ago I have just been to careless to notice.