I got down on my knees this morning and prayed, for the first time in a long time. I know, sounds pretty terrible, 'isn't she supposed to be a christian!?' I mean don't get me wrong, I pray. Usually all throughout the day where you just throw up the quick "thank you for this" or "please help so-and-so with that" kind of thing. There is something completely refreshing, however, when you actually go to a quiet place and physically bow down before Him, sit at His feet and pour your heart out. Usually I do this when something big is happening or about to happen and I feel like my prayer needs some 'extra attention.' This morning, though, I just felt, from the Spirit within me, that I needed to. Like I've been missing out on this intimacy with God for so long, for no reason at all. Except that life's been pretty mellow lately. You know how it's said that we are the bride of Christ? Well, I feel like after having gotten married, that He and I have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for a while now, and it's finally starting to bother me. It's sad that for the most part, I can just go through my day without spending any real quality time with Him and be completely fine with it. I do my devotions and say a quick prayer and then I'm done for the day, back to my to-do list or checking up on all 7 different forms of social media. Gross.
Sometimes I seriously disgust myself. Imagine how God feels about it then? I mean, what if that was how our earthly spouse treated us? Never truly giving us their undivided attention, always busy with other completely unimportant things. I'm pretty sure I would have not only noticed but made a huge fuss about it long before it started to become a habit. God doesn't do that though, He could beat us into submission if He wanted to but He won't because He wants us to choose for ourselves, to desire for Him all on our own. That's crazy though, I basically ignore Him on a regular basis and then the moment I decide "Hey, this sucks. I need more of You," He is right there ready to welcome me back into His arms. Not only does He completely forgive me for being so rude and selfish all the time, but then He listens to every single word I have to say. Wow. That is true love, and how undeserving but blessed am I to be able to experience such. So why do I do it, and why does it take so long for me to get back on track?
First of all, I all to easily take Him for granted. I know, how can I do that right!? After everything He's done and continues to do for me day after day and that's how I repay Him. Unfortunately though, yes. I am human and I forget how amazing He is and how good it is to be in His presence. How in comparison, nothing else even remotely comes close to that feeling. It's not just a feeling at all though, because feelings fade and change with time. What Christ gives me though, is a steady, unchanging, reality. A freedom from bondage that's had a hold on me for ages, that I could never seem to shake no matter how hard I tried. One look from Him, though and my sins are washed away. He promises to make me new again no matter how long it's been or what I've done in the meantime. He doesn't hold my weaknesses against me, but rather uses them to empower me and change me into the me that He needs me to be.
I somehow forget that though people even my closest family and friends will indeed fail me, He will not, not ever. How on earth can I possibly take all of that for granted? Lord, thank you for your patience with me and for ever so gently re-reminding me. Like this morning, I woke up feeling like I was missing something. Craving something. Something that I hadn't had in a while and knew I needed (and no it wasn't veggies). I realize that that was Him quietly awakening in me the desire for Him that I once had. I found myself attempting to rekindle that fire because without it, without that intimate communion with Him, I am no longer whole; but rather, just a mere sliver of what I could be, always longing for something more, never truly satisfied. So I got up, and being that I was barely awake, I basically fell on my face. Isn't that exactly where I need to be? Humbled before Him, the One, the only One, in fact, who is able to fill the hole that's in my heart.
Distraction. It's the other key factor in this equation that pulls me away from drawing closer to God through quiet reverence. This is a big one for me, since I suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (undiagnosed of course;) I can be praying about something and then all of the sudden my mind trails off and somehow I am no longer praying but now thinking about the fact that I would really like some rocky road ice cream. Random, I know. Really though, there are so many things that play a role in this. So many things competing for my attention. So many different forms of distraction that arise all to quickly and steal away my concentration before I've even realized what's happening. Ranging from Facebook, to laundry, to my writing. None of which are bad per-say (fb is debatable) but if they are taking precedence over or taking me away from time I should be spending with God, then somethings not straight with my priorities.
So how do I challenge that? That's easy, by making the decision that when I get up in the morning, no matter what, the first thing I should do, is hit the floor. Yes, I do mean literally. Getting on my knees and praying or just listening to God before I do anything else. OK, so it's really not that easy when you consider all the potential scenarios that could arise to keep you from doing so but it is so incredibly worth it to try. By doing so, I'm starting my day off right. By humbling myself before Him and asking Him to search my heart and reveal things to me. Things I need to work on, things to be looking for, things He wants me to do. I guarantee that when I let Him direct my day it will go a heck of a lot smoother than when I'm just going through the motions and being led off track by anything and everything relating to God knows what. When I don't align my will, each day, with His there is so much blessing both on the giving and receiving ends that I am potentially missing out on. Why would I let anything distract me from having a heart-to-heart conversation with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The one who knows me better than I know myself, who can show me things about myself that no one else has the ability to. It's silly really, but it happens nonetheless.
When we focus on Him with our undivided attention, in worship and in prayer He gives us a taste of eternity. That is why it is so amazing and that also is why, I believe, satan uses anything and everything he can throw at us to try and distract us from or draw us away from experiencing it. Because once we have that is all we want. The more we get, the the closer to God we become and in-turn, the bigger the difference we are able to make on our world. With His hand on us what can we not do!? When we open up our hearts to Him and let Him speak straight into our souls the things He can and will bring out of us is astounding. Experiencing that closeness with Him is revealing to us what is to come, and preparing us for it. It is the tool He uses that is equipping us for battle, for all that lies ahead in the day before us. It is almost imperative for us to get up and get it from Him first thing in the morning because if you haven't noticed, there's a war raging on out there. One of good and evil and I for one do not want to go out empty handed, not when my 'supply source' is ready and willing to fill me up as soon as I get out of bed in the morning.
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