challenging the desire to be the "perfect" christian

So I am finding that the deeper I delve into a true relationship with Christ the less pressure there is to try and be or appear to be this "perfect" christian. What it really is about is accepting who I am while at the same time challenging my initial reactions and judgments and channeling them with His help and in His likeness. It's a constant battle. An everyday struggle. I'd be lying if I said there was ever a day where I got it all right (most days I'm lucky to get 1 or 2 things).

The point is that I am trying and that's all I can do. He's not asking me to be something I'm not and He's certainly not asking me to pretend to be someone who everyone "sees" as this flawless human being (we all know that really doesn't exist anyways, so let's stop fooling ourselves). What He really wants from me is for me to dig down deep into the depths of my soul where His spirit resides in me and let that spill over onto all those around me and change this world. It has nothing to do with me or my "abilities" (and thank God for that) but everything to do with me surrendering it all to Him. By saying: "OK, God, I am not so sure of this [thing] (whatever it may be) but I am going to do what you're asking me to. Regardless of how inadequate I feel or how big, sometimes even strange, it may seem because I trust you. I know that You know what You're doing."

It's OK, to ask questions. It's OK to be unsure. I heard a quote once, (author unknown) that says: "to wrestle with God is not to lose your faith but to fight for it." So when I need to, I cry out to Him, after all, isn't that what having a real relationship is all about? Admitting that you're struggling with something is not only OK but completely necessary. Just as long as at the end of the day the conclusion you come to is this: I am just the vessel. Ultimately what it comes down to is that He will accomplish whatever He wants/what needs to be done one way or another. Whether I like it or not. What a relief! That takes this huge burden off of me and places it in His able Hands.

That is true freedom that is derived from the place where the Spirit of the Lord is. His Spirit in me offers this freedom that my conscious mind cannot even comprehend. The freedom that allows me to accept myself and my flaws and love myself, even, only because of His great love. Then, to love others in the same regards. Freedom from fear that I am going to blow it, fail God, and mess everything up. Freedom from feeling like I have to live up to all these unfair and unreachable standards. Freedom to just live and love. That is all He is calling me to do, anyways. Live my life the best way I can, leaning not on my own understanding and strength but constantly falling back on His. Loving people not with my own tattered heart and corrupt mind but with the unfailing and completely perfect love of His Spirit that lives within me and overtakes me.

**photo by SWhite Photography
https://www.facebook.com/SWhitePhotography.net