my soul speaks

Sitting here, as I meditate on and attempt to comprehend just how deep and tender the Father's love is for me, for us all, it completely baffles my mind. I cannot even begin to perceive it's vastness. I can picture it, though. Through this image that seems to be playing over an over again in my mind: I am standing there at the bottom of the valley gazing up at the mountaintop. My eyes cannot even reach the height that it travels before the bright rays of the sun shine from behind it. Blinded by it's brilliance, I squeeze my eyes tightly back shut. My face drops down into my hands. I am forced to look down. Something grips my chin and gently lifts it back up towards the sky. Tears fill my eyes. It's all I can do to just sit there, in all my pettiness, and marvel at the grandiosity. At the beauty. I am able only to merely catch the tiniest little glimpse into what He sees when He looks at me, His beloved child; into what He feels.

I look upon my own daughter, my very own flesh and blood, the one whom I helped create, that I carried within me for nine months. My heart is so full. So full, in fact, that sometimes I am convinced that it just may burst right out of my chest. I am filled with these indescribable sensations that hold such power over me. Such emotion: of love, of satisfaction, of pure delight. This little being is much more precious to me than any- thing. Than the finest riches that this world could ever possibly bear to bring. But to think, what these affections offer is simply a fraction compared to the enormity of the love that the Father lavishes upon me!? Astounding. And that's an understatement. There are not words big enough to describe Him. There are not feelings deep enough to define Him. All there is, is this unfathomable, mysterious and incredibly beautiful Truth. That promise after promise is revealing to me, proving to me, time after time how tremendously He truly cares for me. 

(I think to myself) Why God? I am but so small. I am just so completely unworthy. (He reassures me, speaks to me soul) He loves me just the same. He created me. He thought me up long ago. Planned out things specifically for me. He spoke me into existence. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He breathed life into me. He watched me as I grew. He looked on me with love. He was proud of what He had done. He had His mighty hand in my life. An ever-present help in trouble. He deeply loved me, loves me. I tried to run. I tried to fight it. He kept pursuing me. He wouldn't stop. He never will. He saw who I really was. What I could become. What I would become. He continued to look after me. Protecting me from the terribly harmful situations I found myself in. He saw me, distraught and alone and His heart grieved for me. He held me. I was moved by His great love and compassion. Motivated to change. Given a new direction. A new hope. A new name. Beloved. I am His. He is mine. I will still fail. Some days, I will still lose the battle. But I won't lose heart. He is strong in me. That's all I have. All I need. What defines me. Him in me. The hope of glory.

1 John 3:1a

 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 Peter 5:7

 

 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Isaiah 62:2

 The nations will see your vindication,
    and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
    that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.

Psalm 46:1

 God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 139:13

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Psalm 145:3

 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
    his greatness no one can fathom.

Colossians 1:27

 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.